In the confines of Ashoka University lies a shielded bubble that students live in. There is freedom of thought and expression, which creates an inclusive atmosphere that we all enjoy. Yet, in the midst of the buildings adorned by red bricks, there lie dark stories that many students, including myself, find disbelieving. This reality may lie in strong contrast to the reality that we see around ourselves; however, these heart-wrenching stories are also a bleak reality that some of us are forced to confront. While other students look forward to going back home, Diya* is reluctant to revisit the rules and practices that her family strongly adheres to.
At first glance, one can only see Diya’s cheerful face, but behind her joyful face lie years of sorrowful experiences that she buries under her smile. I met Diya last semester but failed, like many others, to sense the anguish that she carried inside her. She only recently opened up about her experiences, leaving me utterly astonished. She expressed the struggles of women in her hometown, which are entrenched by patriarchal norms. Every woman in her village is made to isolate herself when on her period, as there is a deeply rooted taboo related to menstruation. During this phase of “alag hona” (to separate), menstruating women are strictly not allowed to enter the temple, kitchen, or see any other person. When Diya is on her period, she has to isolate herself from others in a separate room. She has to wash her own dishes and clothes while ensuring that nothing comes into contact with the ‘dirt’ that she carries these days on her body. Even the food she receives is carefully presented to avoid any contact with her surroundings. She is given different utensils, specially reserved for this time of the month, which she then has to wash herself. Food is served to her at her doorstep from a great distance, lest it come into contact with her. She is considered ‘impure’ and has to wait for days until she gets back with her family. Even before that, she has to go through an elaborate ritual of purifying herself. This story is not just Diya’s story but the story of her mother, her cousins, and every other woman in her society. Unfortunately, this heartbreaking story also extends to many women who still bear the repercussions of orthodox Indian society.
“I have always been passionate about education, but the more I educate myself, the more I realize how alienating the rules of my family are,” says Diya. She faces an internal conflict as she compares her reality to that of others around her. Even in school, she had shut herself off from others and kept her experiences secret. It was only after years that she revealed this story to her friends, only to find them all in disbelief; they were disheartened but also helpless, just like Diya herself. Recognizing the inherent conflict in conforming to these unjust practices, Diya has attempted to rebel against them for years, only to find her efforts futile. “I have tried multiple times to bring about change in my own family, but they always refuse to budge. Even when I tried convincing my mother, the response I received was that ‘we have all met the same fate, and you too have to confront it, even if you do not want to’.” Diya asserts that she does not blame her family for their way of thinking because they too have been conditioned to believe in these absurd norms. She cannot alienate herself from her family, so she has to hesitantly surrender. However, she hopes for a better future where she can challenge the status quo. “I think education is the path towards liberation, and that is why I want all the young girls and boys from my village to get a good education.” I hope that together we can bring about the reforms that we so desperately need. Despite her optimism for reforms, Diya also concedes how far-fetched her hopes are. It is very difficult to challenge the values of her elders and subvert the practices that they have unquestionably adhered to for years.
In the meantime, Ashoka serves as Diya’s refuge; it is a place where she can unobstructedly achieve her goals. Even though her life at home lies in stark contrast to the lives of most students who study here, she can put on a mask and blend perfectly. While Ashoka is not her real home, it is a comforting place where she can freely pursue her aspirations without the weight of societal expectations bearing down on her. It is a place through which she ultimately dreams of challenging the status quo and forging a path towards a future defined by freedom, equality, and opportunity.