Edited by: Stuti Sharma
Sleep is incredibly important for humans, we dedicate almost one-third of our day, around eight hours to sleep on average. Something that helps us recover from the work we did the rest of the day, and to also prepare ourselves for the next day. Unless suffering from a sleeping disorder or if you’re an owl, it’s the night that’s dedicated to sleep. In the quietude of the night, snores of your neighbor, and the sound of crickets; sleep takes form in one of the most beautiful ways, embraced by human connection, away from the conscious mind slipping in things we don’t know even exist. While the phrase ‘to sleep with someone’, or ‘to sleep around’ is usually denoted as an act of being involved in a sexual manner with an individual, sleep is more than desire; which in itself is all-encompassing of the human existence itself. Sleep, ironically being under the realm of desire itself, gets associated with the multiplicity of human connection in relation to friendships, romantic relationships, siblings, parents, and more. While the linearity of sleep is connected with a feeling of comfort and one wanting to gather themselves at the end of the day, it becomes simply more special when they’re willing to share both the feeling and the space at the same time.
When we sleep, we step aside from our conscious self, and we surround ourselves with a feeling of calm and peace stuffing our head in the pillow, hugging another one with our leg, and lying in a position akin to that of a foetus. For some hours, we surrender ourselves to our unconscious thoughts while we share a bed with someone. The act of being asleep right next to someone will allow them to be a part of that safe space is enough for one to feel loved, accepted, and trusted. The bed then, becomes more than a mattress, a bedsheet, a blanket, and a couple of pillows. It shape-shifts itself into a sanctuary, where vulnerability feels as normal as the prejudice against it. The vulnerability that fosters within the sanctuary of sleep and an active unconscious, and ends up creating an envelope of warmth unknown to places other than a bed. We usually keep our hearts aside, and trust what the brain wants; fulfilling the hearts of others around us.
But how is sleeping with a friend, different from sleeping with a romantic partner? Physical closeness is a level of emotional safety that tags along when sleeping next to a friend. The vulnerable unconscious is exposed to a wide range of thoughts, and even feelings of horror that find a safe space to cuddle between two friends. The activity of emotional vulnerability and intimacy cuddling right between two friends becomes a standalone feeling in an environment filled with nothing but stillness, irrespective of day or night. One might say that it’s not the fact who you’re sleeping with that’s peaceful, it’s simply the fact that you’re sleeping, and how taking naps is one of the best pleasures that almost all living organisms can partake in. One can find videos of non-human primates sleeping next to each other, cuddling, and holding hands. The essence of intimacy is so essentially ingrained in the practice of sleeping itself, that it creates an intimate connection subservient to a need as basic as sleep.
It’s also about finding intimacy in silence, and moments where friendships simply sway from the traditional notion it is normally attached to. When you think of the friend you’re closest to, you think of endless hours of conversations ranging from gossip, to discussing popular culture, sharing personal stories and family issues, watching a movie together, and laughing at the jokes that simply fit your sense of humor and more. Most of the popular definitions and perceptions of friendships relate to how active, and engaging they are in nature; however, the silence is rarely spoken of. The silence that envelops during a night of sleep becomes definitive of peace, and of moments that speak without the obvious involvement of a vernacular, or conversations of any kind. Two people sleeping together, sharing a mattress, also share an experience. Sleep thus quietly becomes a shared experience and a moment that provides a piece of peace, deviating from standard expectations of friendships, both encompassing intimacy and surpassing how we define it.