Edited by Shriya Bhat
It’s that time of the day when you listen to your favourite show, the only show worth listening to, Soundtrack That Wreck. As always I’m here to set a soundtrack to your sad life, a script that even Netflix rejected. A soundtrack worth listening to, that people who know your life is a D+ at best, give you an A- (If you need an A+, you should’ve not tuned into the show in the first place).
Now, let’s listen to the first caller of the day!
Hello! Do you have a problem or are YOU the problem?
Caller 1: *stifled sobbing*
Bro, I am not paid for this gig. It’s nine in the morning. Too early for me to hear you cry about a broken heart when I can still hear my roommate snoring like a broken drum. If you’re crying about your grades, then cry a river. Otherwise spare me the Romeo-Juliet misery.
Caller 1: But, listen — my boyfriend broke up with me over breakfast. My first lecture of the day is with a Professor who I can’t understand at all and the reason for my bad grades. I’m tired of listening to both of them.
That’s sad news multiplied by sad news indeed. In honor of you getting tired of their words, let’s break our fast with this song —
Salvatore Ganacci, Retronaut – Talk
You keep making faces that I don’t wanna see
I don’t like the way you talk to me
Saying you can talk to me however you like
I know that ain’t right
Next caller please.
Hello! Are you sick and merry or healthy and teary?
Caller 2: I have been seeing weird shapes at nights and I swear I saw a monster near the Dhaba trees. I am worried.
Aww, don’t be worried. Do you think a ghost would haunt your life? Your life is as interesting as a burnt toast! (Wait a minute, do you even have a slice of bread to burn it?) Do you think ghosts at Ashoka want to study with you and help you write extension emails at 3AM? Hilarious. My dear friend, what you’re seeing is called Pollution, specifically Smog that causes you delusion when you choke on it. My dear listeners, to commemorate this caller’s sightseeing we have —
Anirudh Ravichander – Once Upon A Time
Once upon a time, There lived a ghost
He was known to be a killer, And feared the most
Next caller please.
Hey! Is your problem procrastination? You took a seriously long time to call us!
Caller 3: I have not been able to stick with my resolutions that I made for this year. What should I do?
Um… It’s November, and you’re asking me now? At the end of the year? Why don’t we begin working on next year’s resolutions now, so that you can have at least one ready to follow by January 1st. To your procrastination expertise I dedicate the next song —
Dua Lipa – New Rules
Practice makes perfect, I’m still tryna learn it by heart
(I got new rules, I count ’em)
Eat, sleep and breathe it, rehearse and repeat it
Hello! Are yo–
Caller 4: I want revenge. I want it to arrive faster than your sad excuse of a radio show.
This is the dangerous territory where I just shut up.
Caller 4: Damn right you do! I need a song that lets my best friend know that her owl behavior of turning her head 270 degrees and looking at my crush while grinning like a sociopath made him turn 180 degrees away from me.
Taylor Swift – Look What You Made Me Do
The role you made me play of the fool.
No, I don’t like you
I don’t like your perfect crime
How you laugh when you lie
That was…eventful. Hello! Next caller!
Caller 5: Why is everyone dumb or dumber or dumbest?
Weren’t you the person I heard complaining about the same thing yesterday? I mean, a person who stands under the sprinkler thinking that it is raining should probably look in the mirror for an answer. Mirror mirror on the wall, who’s the dumbest of them all? Were you this song’s protagonist while the sprinklers hosed you?
Lady Gaga, Ariana Grande – Rain On Me
Water like misery, It’s coming down on me
I’d rather be dry, but at least I’m alive
Rain on me, rain, rain Rain on me, rain, rain
To the final caller! What keeps you up at night?
Caller 6: The envy that curls inside me every time I hear party music at 4AM and I look at my laptop with its deadlines is driving me insane. What should I do?
Relatable. But, party music will not get that A-. I would recommend you serenade your lecture notes and assignments with the following song. Maybe your work will fall in love with you to compensate for your love life (or lack thereof).
Zayn, Sia – Dusk Till Dawn
But you’ll never be alone, I’ll be with you from dusk till dawn
Baby, I’m right here, I’ll hold you when things go wrong
I’ll be with you from dusk till dawn
That’s a wrap on today’s Soundtrack That Wreck. For the sake of all things alive, please give me better problems so that I can show off my music prowess. This is Dhiyaa signing off and having a better day than everyone of you here.