Edited By: Maitree Jain
Unlike relationships where I overthink every possible intention and communication, I have no inhibitions when it comes to the ones I consider friends. It’s either all or nothing for me. And without lines, I am at my most vulnerable with them. But what I don’t see coming is how from making core memories with them, they themselves become one. Not all heartbreaks involve relationships, sometimes friends can break your heart too. These poems delve into the emotions I associate with friendship heartbreaks.
In the Deep
you smile, you cry
you always have a lot
on your mind
but my empathy
has shrivelled and dried
I take the tiniest sips
and my chest no longer caves in
my lips thin every time
you intertwine in even
the farthest vision of mine
didn’t know how to draw lines
so you surpassed all of mine
but as the clock keeps ticking by
I just want to turn back time
everyone says
you’re so nice
and I’m the one
planning my moves like
some unhinged mastermind
I promise I used to be kind
gave you a chance
kept an open mind
but now I’m the one
who doesn’t feel fine
Blame Game
I do nothing but the fault is
always mine
Funny how, you made me your fail safe
then blamed me for all your crimes
my hands get bloody
while yours shine bright
my soul is empty
while you’re the one
who gets to whine
But all you do is sigh
and never hold me when I cry
so please don’t look surprised
when I say goodbye
‘cause even the warmest hearts
freeze in time
Inconsistency
we wander between
being warm and cold
then why am I the only one
left feeling alone?
we used to be happy
so why am I
the only one who
fights to keep us afloat?
if we were “family”
then why am I the only one
left wondering why
we don’t talk anymore?
I Try So Hard
i ridicule myself
just to make you smile
you want attention
just not mine
i tell you that
everything will be alright
then lie awake
every night
i try so hard
only to be a footnote in your life
while my journals
have your name underlined
People Always Leave
you swept in,
past all my defences,
past the barbed wires and fences,
of mistrust and cynicism,
at a point in time,
when I didn’t need saving,
you built me up,
piece by piece
i let you in and held your hand,
rested my head in your embrace,
showed you who I really am,
yet you chose to walk away
maybe the mystery you unravelled
wasn’t compelling enough to make you stay,
so you threw away the pieces to far-flung corners,
who knew true friends could betray?
Head vs Heart
guilt keeps me up every night
I try to find
kind words that explain
I’m not worth the fight
you’re not usually
the one who folds
but the mightiest hearts
burn out when alone
you say
we could turn out alright
my heart is swayed
but fear overweighs the might
i could make you wait
and maybe I’d get over
this fear of mine
but you deserve a lot more than
this half-hearted lifeline
Loving You Was A Curse, But Missing You Is Worse
you made your own bed
when you pushed me away
and left things unsaid
When the clock strikes twelve
I know I’m wasting my breath
by holding it over someone
who couldn’t care less
Teach me how to forget
and smile without regrets
to only see hate
and leave love on read
for you, I went all in
to hell with safe bets
I loved you in secret
without an ounce of regret
but not everyone gives what they get
and accepting the truth is better than
living in the shell where you never left
or didn’t know what I felt
you’re not the one to blame
cause it’s me who expects
thens chooses to fall
without safety nets
Stuck in this convoluted mess
I wish I’d lose my heart
and not my head
or hated you
instead
Loss
you made me lose faith
in forever
when you left my heart
burning as embers
tethered to you
on my worst nights
you were the one who
made me feel alive
you healed me
of all the past aches
then left me alone
in the heartbreak
you were all I wanted
but made you believe
that I took your love
for granted
playlists we made
helped me find solace
now are to blame
for the tears I shed when it rains
Letting Go
you saw right through me,
did that make you take off
and leave?
or did you have too much of me
and realised that
some things in life aren’t meant to be?
cruel was a shade
I thought you would
never wear with me
people change
and while it’s heartbreaking to see
I lose the illusion of reconciliation
and set myself free