In case you were wondering, yes, I am a freshman too. Then why do I find myself worthy of curating this guide? It is because (in my own humble opinion) I have mastered the craft of roommating, in the short month that I have spent at Ashoka University. I’m letting you guys in on some really important information, so I hope you put it to good use. So without further ado, here are the steps that need to be carefully followed to become best friends with your roommate-
STEP 1: This is so not what I romanticized in my head
Now, it may sound like we’ve skipped a few steps, but fear not! This is exactly what’s supposed to happen! As soon as you unlock the door to the new life that awaits you, you see your roommate sitting there already unpacked and scrolling on her phone. And then it hits you- maybe you should have knocked first. As you start profusely apologizing for your lack of manners, your newly assigned roommate tells you to not worry about it and that it’s totally cool. And that’s it, that’s the moment you decide that you guys are going to be best friends.Then, you start talking about your 17 years of life before you came to university as you start unpacking, gotta start somewhere right and oh wait she’s gone. Well she’ll come back in a bit right? Right?
STEP 2: Never back down, never what?
Wrong. The next time you speak is the next day. After a while spent waiting for her in your room while sending your mom pictures of your new room, you decide to head out and socialise, you meet quite a few people, none you can call friends yet but you can see yourself becoming friends with them. Then as you retire to bed at the ungodly hour that is 10 pm, you try to stay up for a bit, in hopes that she’ll come back and you guys will talk to each other, but that doesn’t happen and you decide to ‘screw it I’m just going to sleep’. Then the next day, you leave the room before she wakes up and don’t meet for the rest of the day, save for that awkward half wave you did that she didn’t even see in the mess. But, there was still hope, and destiny was on your side because finally during the night you guys were in the room at the same time. You think to yourself, this is my chance, as you rope her into listening to you trauma dump for the night. You systematically go through all the ways that your mom prefers your sister over you and make self-deprecating jokes and oh- look at that she’s laughing! You made her laugh!
She trauma dumps back and you end up talking for hours and you think to yourself, finally, this is finally happening. We’ll be besties now!
STEP 3: Perhaps delulu is the solulu
You don’t really speak much for the next week. Your conversations are mostly limited to politely exchanging ‘good morning’ and ‘how was your day?’. But that hope, that belief that you will end up becoming besties never dies in you. Whenever your friends ask you about her, you say in the most confident tone you can muster ‘oh she’s really nice, we weren’t talking much before, but I feel like we’re really getting along now!’. Your friends just look at you knowingly and let it go. But, when another week goes by like this, and then another, and then another, you start to think to yourself- ok, maybe that extremely romanticized and idealistic lens through which university life is portrayed in film and media is kinda not how it is like at all?
STEP 4: Camaraderie
Now what? Well, cheer up! It actually gets easier from here. Once you relieve the simple and easy dynamic that you share with your roommate of the unnecessary pressure of being the best friendship you’ll ever have, you can start to settle into the nice, quiet routine of simply co-existing. You start to set your boundaries and appreciate this space you share with someone who is actually super cool and fun, but you just weren’t able to befriend. But that’s ok! You have your friends and she has hers and you actually are very fond of this quiet connection the two of you share. You realize that perhaps this was the best outcome of this situation after all.
Well, talk about an anti-climax, am I right ? The point of this was that you don’t have to be best friends with your roommate, I learned that the hard way. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is just simply co-exist and respect each other’s personal space and boundaries. In conclusion, do yourself a favour and thank your roommate today for putting up with all your bullshit.