I’ve always felt
like
something was wrong with me.
Like my feeling were equivalent
to a hurricane
swirling around,
ever-random, ever-changing.
Like I was the only one
who had no control
over situations
or my reaction to them
or myself.
When the world expects laughter
while it labels all
your cherished nuances
‘not-worthy’
and all you can give them
is your
stolen joy,
a sob and an ‘I’m alright’
When the whispering voices expect
a Princess of Perfection
and you come in as a
‘teenager’
with usual tattered jeans and tattered attitude
(while the Princesses all around,
deep in their hearts,
want to be like you).
And when they want you to
‘be yourself’,
but that entails being free
of outsider expectations
and then you realise
self-assessment is key.
Oh, if I could tell
the past me
the old and repressed me
the part of me I loathed and
paid no heed to
that You,
You were the best part of me.
Things I thought were wrong were in fact
most correct
flaws turned out to be
strengths
my negatives were
rays of hope
for improvement.
No chains and no expectations.
Breathe in the freedom
breathe out the despair
the regrets, and the never-quite-rightness.
So, take your acceptance vaccinations
because you don’t want to catch
this fast-spreading disease
called perfection.
By Ishita Ahuja, for the Trans Solidarity Fundraiser