Edited by: Priyal Mittal
When Gary Chapman developed the concept of the five love languages- words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch- he probably did not imagine the ways they manifest themselves outside of romantic relationships. For so many of us, our deepest lessons in love don’t come from romantic partners, they come from our friendships. What makes these bonds so special is not their longevity or depth, but how they teach us alternative approaches to love itself. They teach us how to love not with grand gestures, but with everyday acts of care- spontaneous late night calls, “this reminded me of you” memes, and the way we memorise each other’s coffee orders. Friendship is a love story that unfolds over the years, through different phases of life. The way we express love in friendships evolves as we grow- what starts as playground promises turns into whispered secrets and an unspoken language of care. This is a timeline of friendships, told through love languages.
Childhood
Gift–Giving: The first ‘I thought of you’
Before we knew what love languages were, we were already practicing them. Childhood friendships were defined by trading stickers, bracelets and specially curated birthday goodie bags. It was the way we pressed those matching tattoos on our arms, declared ourselves ‘BFFs’ over pinky promises, and saved a seat for each other in the library. Gift-giving was not about materialistic things, but about knowing. Knowing your best friend’s favourite colour, which chocolate would make their eyes light up, or which small, insignificant object could hold a world of meaning. Love was simple then- small tokens of affection accompanied with the innocence of believing they meant forever.
Teen Years
Words of affirmation: The first ‘hype woman’ era
The teenage years were messy, unpredictable, and sometimes lonely, but the friendships remained constant. Love was found in words- cheering each other on, writing dramatically long 12AM birthday messages, reminding each other everyday “You’re amazing, don’t let them get to you.” It was in the way we stayed up late sending paragraphs over text, pacifying the other that the heartbreak would pass, creating countless inside jokes and song lyrics. It was the way we overanalyzed texts from crushes, and how we swore we’d never let each other settle for anything less than magic. Love wasn’t subtle—it was loud, emotional, and sometimes a little over-the-top. But that’s how we survived those years: by cheering on each other so loud that you never noticed who didn’t.
College Years
Acts of Service: The love in showing up
College changed the way we loved our friends. We were no longer on opposite sides of the classroom, we were scattered across countries, managing new responsibilities and navigating independence. Friendship wasn’t just convenient anymore, it had to become intentional. Love became the friend who reminded you to drink water, who proofread your essays before midnight, or stayed up late when you were overwhelmed. This was the time when friendships became softer, quieter, but deeper- less about saying ‘I love you’ and more about showing it in the smallest ways. It was knowing exactly when to step in and do something even before being asked, an unspoken system of care where doing was the greatest expression of love.
Adulthood
Quality Time: The Rarity that matters most
Unlike childhood, time together was not unlimited anymore. Love became choosing to spend time together even when a hundred other things demanded your attention. It was planning trips even when schedules were impossible to coordinate, the late night video calls after weeks of missed texts, saving stories to tell each other in person because some things just cannot be typed out. We learned that even ten minutes of truly being each other mattered more than any amount of empty messages. As life got busier, we understood that quality time was not about duration, it was about presence. When you were there, you were fully present, for and with the people who were there through every version of you.
Lifelong friendships
Physical Touch: The love that grounds
Life brings new insecurities and bigger struggles, but also a kind of closeness. The older we got, the more we realised that touch had always been one of the most enduring forms of love between friends. It was the tight hug after years apart, the way we instinctively reached for each other’s arms in moments of sadness, the way we rested our heads on each other’s shoulders in quiet understanding. It was the warmth of a friend fixing your hair before an interview, the comforting squeeze of a hand before big news, the way we still curled up on the couch together like we were sixteen again. Love wasn’t just in the grand moments—it was in the everyday gestures of care, in the physical reminders that, no matter how much time passed, some things never changed. In a world that suddenly felt more complicated, physical touch became a grounding force.
Looking back, we see that friendship has always been love in its purest form. It was the first love story we experienced and the one that lasts the longest. Romantic relationships may come and go, but friendships shape how we love and how we expect to be loved- everyday, ordinarily, and quietly. So maybe it’s time we stop seeing friendships as placeholders for romance and start recognising them for what they are: some of the deepest, truest, and most enduring loves in our lives. And if we’re lucky, they are the ones that last forever.