Weekly Column Series: The How-To Guide to Life Part 1

Edited by: Arohi Sachar

#1

How to be “That Econ Dudebro” -Deeksha Puri

Have you ever wanted to excel and hustle? Wanted to develop that grindset so that you can mansplain capitalism in your EVS lecture? Look no further! This is the guide you have been looking for!!

1. Wake up praying to the Gods of Bitcoin, as well as your lord and saviour Elon Musk.
2. Look up prices of NFTs and then like “Ratan Tata Sigma Male Omg Whattawow!!” memes that show up on your for you page.
3. Log in to your online classes, and talk over all of your classmates, as well as the professor because you read Daniel Kahneman once.
4. Open FC WhatsApp Groups, only to leave a sarcastic comment to the one person who is clueless about the readings for the next class. 
5. Fall asleep after having a late-night crypto conversation in Dan Bilzerian’s Instagram comments. 

#2

How to beat the 11.59 PM deadline- Harshini Dhiyaa Velsamy

If you’re reading this, it’s likely that this piece was submitted by 11.58 PM. For a person who uses planners, one would assume that I’d submit assignments way before the deadline. I think this last-minute submission causes a kind of euphoria that you’ve beaten the deadline as well as the assignment (maybe not). So, how do we do it?

1. Note the submission dates wrong. If it’s due Saturday, write the due date as Friday. Your stressed brain wouldn’t remember that you’ve written it wrong. You might end up submitting a day early or when you cry for an extension, there is one without mailing the Professor!
2. Prioritize according to your course proficiency. Start the assignments of courses that you find difficult so that you get to work on relieving assignments in the end.
3. Gather resources before working on the assignment. From experience, countless times I’d begin a paper due only to find that I’ve two lectures to revise. Figuring out the sources of the answers beforehand might help.
4. Award yourself after a submission. A self-boost now and then wouldn’t hurt. Whether the answers were correct or gibberish is another question entirely.

P.S. Please, click ‘Turn In’ once you upload the answer document. The pain caused by an eight o’clock lecture is nothing compared to not turning it in

#3 

 How To Survive Cold Calling in Class When You’re Zoned Out– Nandini Chhabra

Are you, too, afraid of the professor randomly calling on you to answer in class when you have no idea what’s going on? Here’s what you can do to avoid humiliating yourself in front of dozens of other students. 

First, mute the microphone and disable the camera from your settings, so even when you’re unmuted, there’s no actual audio input. When Prof notices you have technical issues, say you’ll put it in the chatbox and take your time typing it. 

Unfortunately, though, we don’t all get the most understanding professors. If you’re stuck with a particularly indifferent one, bribe a really smart student to be on standby if you do get cold-called. They’ll quickly text you what to say, and all you’ve got to do is try to sound as smart as possible. 

But if you’re broke like I am, you could always just begin trying to make a point using dramatic hand gestures, and “accidentally” knock over a glass of water onto your keyboard. You lose connection and don’t have to finish. The only side-effect to this is, well, RIP Laptop.

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