Edited by: Kavya Mittal
I started 2021 in a very different position from where I was when it ended. I was proudly single and un-movably against getting into any committed relationships — I was trying to focus on myself. Now, in 2022, I’m in a serious long-term relationship and we’re about to start a new chapter very soon. We’re doing long-distance on opposite ends of the country.
A lot of people gasp dramatically when I tell them my partner and I have decided to stay together and do long-distance, while the less theatrical ones say “damn, that’s… going to be rough,” or “yikes, good luck with that.” While I’m sure they wished me well in the same way the ones who are more verbally supportive did, I can’t lie, those reactions were discouraging at first. It took me a long time to feel secure and comfortable with our situation but that’s where I’m at now, and I’ve even somehow managed to convince myself that this is exactly what we need right now. So, in case you need the same convincing I did, here are a few reasons an LDR is a good idea while you’re in college.
You get to grow separately, but together
The years spent in college are important, formative ones. You find out who you are when you’re not shielded by your parents and really grow into your own skin. You will grow so much in your time apart because of how much you’ll constantly be learning, academically as well as personally. And this is value you can bring to each other, because now you’ll have so much to learn from each other. This is one of the best opportunities to focus on yourself for this kind of growth because, during this, you won’t be pursuing anything other than your own personal goals. A lot of couples end up morphing into the same person when they spend so much of their time together, so, during these years where you’re literally being moulded into a whole person, you could really use that space to truly become who you are and/or want to be.
It builds trust and helps you learn healthy and open communication
There is nothing that will need trust and communication the way an LDR will. This will solidify your relationship and help foster a strong emotional bond. You will have to simply put all your faith in this person, and as scary as that might seem at first, it will be incredibly rewarding. You’ll also learn how to express exactly how you feel openly and honestly and create a safe space for communication because this is crucial to making the relationship work. Without it, there’s just way too much room for misunderstanding and resentment. This is something that you can both actively work on together and even help each other feel comfortable with. It’s better addressed in an LDR because this is something you’ll have to talk about at the start so you know how to work on it.
It helps in setting healthy boundaries and putting yourself first
One thing you and your partner will invariably have in common is deadlines. They’re just a part of life, especially college life. Sometimes you just cannot make time to spend with them and that’s okay. There must be a mutual understanding and respect for each other’s space and needs. You will also learn to set boundaries so that you don’t spend every free moment on your significant other, because like we talked about before, this is the time to focus on yourself.
You learn to make time for the important things
All of the above being said, one valuable lesson in LDRs is that “I don’t have time” just isn’t a good enough reason anymore. This seems like it would negate the previous point I made but it doesn’t. What I mean is, college will keep you incredibly busy and things will keep cropping up, but we always make time for things that are a priority. It is important to prioritise tasks and manage your time well so that you can make the time to spend with your significant other. Not being able to do so occasionally is okay and perhaps even important for your own well being, but this shouldn’t be the case too regularly because it’s really easy to feel left behind in an LDR when you’re already living such a separate life from your significant other.
It is the ultimate test of your relationship
Few things will test your relationship as rigorously as an LDR, so making it through this would probably be a sign that your relationship can survive anything. You learn to let go of anxiety and the need for control, you learn to trust, and you learn to truly cherish your significant other. However, perhaps most importantly, the most valuable lesson in an LDR is respect. You learn to respect each other’s time and space and value everything so much more deeply.
Take that leap of faith and see this through and I promise it will be worth it. Whether or not the relationship ultimately works out, you will always have so much to gain from it. Long-distance relationships take work – hard work, and a lot of it – but they’re so worth it with the right person who’s willing to do the work with you.