Never in my life had I ever thought that I, or anyone for that matter, would have to give up their dreams for the “greater good.” I grew up with a working mother who always stood up for herself no matter what. She always motivated me to stand on my own feet. While my mother has a job in a field she loves, she still yearns for something she lost a long time ago. She used to be a classical dancer but was forced to quit because of society’s conception of women and the pressures of raising a family. Women are expected to be the primary caregivers and are not expected to have much of a life outside their work and family.
Unfortunately, my mother was not the first to go through this, and she won’t be the last either.
There is one thing that ties all middle-aged women around the world together. One very sad thing: the loss of passion. This applies to educated, working women as well. For some, it’s a conscious choice that they make. For others, it was chosen for them, by their partners, families or just society in general. Often, their in-laws pressure them to quit their jobs or education and stay in the house.
Right now, I’m 18, and something I’m very passionate about is writing. Writing poems, stories, anything. I truly believe that the loss of one’s passion is a loss of a part of one’s identity. The essence of human existence runs on emotions, and some of our strongest emotions are linked with what we’re passionate about. With nothing to fuel these emotions, our lives often become monotonous and meaningless.
Often, a woman’s dreams are considered irrelevant, especially after marriage. Her identity is stripped away, and her existence becomes a function of others— a mother, a daughter-in-law, a wife, but not an individual in her own right. Sure, many women choose to follow just these roles, and I wholly respect that, but most of the time, circumstances and even blatant patriarchy makes them a pawn in the household. If a woman does not want to conform to domestic roles, that is completely her choice, and she shouldn’t be shamed for it. Often the “choice” given to her isn’t a real choice; it is the choice between taking on these roles or being severely judged for not doing it.
When the burden of managing the whole house falls on the wife, how can one expect her to take up anything else? Sharing of responsibilities is also an important aspect in a relationship which almost never happens in an Indian home. I sincerely hope the sons of the mothers that lost their stories are raised to be equally involved in the house as their partners. The last thing we need is another generation of men who need just as much as care from their wives as their children would!
Times are definitely changing for the better, and surely, women could restart their lost endeavors if they wanted to, right? Unfortunately, our ageist society has conditioned not just women, but also men into thinking that dreams have an age limit. If you have teenage children, then you’re clearly too old to pursue a capella. The day that everyone, regardless of age or gender identity, can pursue what they want to is the day we become fully open-minded.
I wish to conclude with a question; a quote from the famous Malayalam movie How Old Are You?—Who decides the expiry date of a woman’s dream?
Edited by Rangoli Gupta (UG 2020)