Since the age of four, Nicole and Michelle were tied at the hip, and so started the story of my mother and her bestie, my godmother. I have grown up with stories about them flying out to see one another, my godmother briefly dating my father before my parents were together, tubs of letters that I get to open now that I am older, but most of all, the idea that I will find my person like they have. You see, we all dream of having that one ride or die bestie who knows our secrets, communicates through facial cues, and would help us bury a body.
But truthfully, it is exceptionally difficult to find, curate, and grow together in a friendship of that kind as we watch everyday conversations change into once a week, then shift to once a month, and ultimately they just become a “happy birthday” wish on Facebook. I have had many friends that I thought were going to be the one to be by my side for the rest of my life, only to have the friendship slowly taper off.
Sometimes losing a friendship is more difficult than ending a relationship because there can be so much there and suddenly the person who knew all your secrets is no more than an acquaintance at best. But through these shifts I have come to realize that sometimes you have different friends for different times in your life.
You have your childhood friendships filled with sticky smiles, sugar highs, summers spent chasing lightning bugs and eating too many popsicles. Your middle school besties who hyperventilate over your favorite movie stars, help you overcome insurmountable drama (or cause it), stay up late and pretend that you actually know the secrets to life. There is your high school girl gang that you swear will stay with you till your grave, who take you to first party, help you through heartbreak, and craft every text and social media post with you. Then there are the girls you meet in college, where you cut through the BS and get to the deep topics, the ones that you have philosophical debates, the people who stay in the library only to watch the sunrise the next morning with you, and the ones who challenge you to grow.
All of these relationships shape you and seamlessly weave in and out of your narrative. Every relationship offers lessons to be learned and serves a purpose at that point in your life. You can always reach out to your old besties, relive those memories, and open the door to create new ones while always remembering that friendships are what you make them.
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