Many people hear about nervous habits and think, “Oh she bites her nails,” or “Maybe she twirls her hair.” And yes, I bite my nails – which is bad, so don’t do it. Having things planned out is very important to me. I love color-coding and using cute agendas and sticky notes. If something is going to happen, it damn well better be in my planner or you can forget about it. This always became a problem when family trips happened. We would be driving to where we planned to stop when all of a sudden, we would take a spontaneous turn to go to an overlook advertised to be about a mile off track. NO. This drove me absolutely insane. Oh, we are going to be where we said we were on time because we decided to do something we didn’t plan in advance? Sure. Ok.
I can’t stand it. Being on time is something that I’m very passionate about. As my band teacher used to say, “If you’re early, you’re on time. And if you’re on time, you’re late.” If someone says they will pick me up at 7:00, and they are nowhere to be seen at 7:01 I assume that they’re dead. So, what does this have to do with my nervous habit? Despite being big on planning, I make very impulsive decisions when I’m panicking about there not being a plan. For instance, a car is not something I have access to, so I have to frequently ask for rides. This is fine. I had ask for rides all the time at camp if someone was going into town. This turns not fine if I’m suddenly put in a different car than the one I was originally going in. Then I start questioning my existence. What if the car I’m in now isn’t going the same place I want to go anymore? What if they want to go somewhere else for another hour or two? I can’t say anything about not wanting to go because this isn’t my car right? It would be rude; I should do what the driver wants to do. I bet the car I would have been in is already back. I just want to go home. Don’t talk to me I’m so mad. Everything you’re doing is making me want to kill you.
That’s a brief summary of how my thought process goes. So, because I know that this will happen any time a plan gets changed, my impulsive side says that we aren’t going anywhere. “Hey Veronica, I know I was giving you a ride but is it ok if you go in this car now?” No. It’s not. Then I lie and say that I forgot I had something to do or I have more homework that I’m worried about finishing. So, there you have it. My nervous habit is wussing out when plans change.