At this point in the year 2020 I have been in quarantine for four weeks and counting, not to mention for most of the school year; I’ve had only online classes. . Not being able to leave the apartment and engage in a social life has been an adjustment for me. I thought being an introvert through all this would be paradise, but I was wrong.
Every day, before quarantine, I would leave the apartment and go somewhere, whether up the street to the grocery store or just a ride on the light rail to a favorite spot to read my book. With all of the libraries shut down and public transit limited to a “need to use” basis, it is difficult to enjoy even the simplest of errands under the stress of the environment. As someone with social anxiety, this is my own personal hell.
So, now that I am stuck in the apartment not by choice I am finding my rebellious side arising. The rebel in me doesn’t want to do what she is told so I’m going against everything that I’m supposed to do, and thus the start of bad habits.
I am single and live alone with my cat, so I don’t have anyone to impress. I can’t remember the last time I wore jeans to be honest. I typically just lounge around in a tank top and athletic wear and call it a day. I haven’t used any hair product in maybe two months so my hair does whatever it wants. The amount of time and energy I put into my appearance is slim to none, except when I have to FaceTime or be on Zoom. As a full time student, I thrive in school and work my best to keep my grades above par as best I can. Doing something to further my future is what gives me purpose. Without access to the outside world to work on my photography and find inspiration for writing, or really anything that gives me motivation, I feel like I’m missing a part of myself and that is contributing to my lack of purpose. A lot of where I get the most satisfaction in life is in my work. I like to take pictures of nature and people, although this is also a hobby, but opportunities arise which allow my skills to be classified as work. This was probably the start of some bad habits that I developed and the start of my downhill journey of lacking purpose.
I think that a lot of people are experiencing similar withdrawals from life and are struggling to adjust to this new normal. There are a lot of memes out on social media saying that we should all be coming out of this with a new business plan or a passion project ready to take off and perhaps that gives some people purpose and a drive. Other people just want to get back to their normal routine. These two extremes plus a lockdown, are the contributing factors of my bad habits.; which include , eating more than usual, wearing sweats, hardly working out, not caring about my appearance.
The way to conquer this “lack of purpose” or the feeling of “needing to be productive”, is to find a routine and stick to it. Make sure that you at least go for a walk down the street and get some fresh air and some vitamin D. Even though we are on lockdown, getting dressed up for yourself might be the right type of motivation. All of these things can help break the bad habits that form when you are forced into an uncomfortable situation. Bad habits can be formed, but they can also be broken. Those good habits are waiting for you right outside the door on the other side of this temporary phase that happens to be part of life.