“If you want to conquer the anxiety of life, live in the moment, live in the breath.” ― Amit Ray,
“Why on Earth would you still be online at that time Shantie? Do you ever sleep?” My mom’s voice was low, earnest and modest, but at the same I could not ignore the subtle hints of soft anger that were camouflaged by her gentleness. I definitely had a luminous and vivid depiction of the events that were going to follow as a result of my sins. I was not going to be allowed to go on Facebook for the next two weeks in her favorite form of retribution she loved to call, “Facebook discipline.”
I loathed these particular situations with an intense passion. These, and other moments when I really wished my mom could be like other “normal moms” who did not mind what their children did or did not do on social media. Or those moments when my aunt would call me to help with the dishes in the midst of Good luck Charlie. Those other instances when I was always fighting with my cousins, and because I am too emotional I would end up crying, but that would not deter my mom from making me go and apologize first even if I did not belong to the guilty party.
All these occurrences were a pain in the neck to me, but that was then.
Now, when I mull over them, after spending six months away from home, I get all sentimental and poignant. I realize that without those kind of moments, home, would never have been home, and I would never miss it. That is when I came to an understanding that so often in life, we spend so much time trying to change the people around us. We spend a huge span of our life time worrying about the things which we can not change, and whilst we are doing that life passes us by. We lose the true meaning of life, focusing on the ‘what could have been’s’ and the ‘what is going to be’s.’
We question, “ Why is the sky blue and not yellow?” instead of focusing on the mesmerizing beauty of the azure, pure and uninterrupted blue that stretches seamlessly across the heavens. We waste too much time comparing our lives with those of other people, whilst the best of life elapses.Why was I born African instead of Asian? Why do I have to be an only child? Why do I get so tongue-tied when speaking to certain people? Why did some people ever come in my life? Yet we fail to realize that worry and anxiety actually trap and enclose us in a dark, stagnant position, and we end up scarcely noticing the good that surrounds us. The small things in life are actually the best if we closely look at it.
Right now I wish I had snuggled a little closer to my mom, as she intently focused on my silly stories and laughed along with me. Maybe I should have extended my trip and spent a few more days with my grandmother. Or I could have gone out more with my friends, and then we could have made more memories. Possibly I could have spent a little more time with my family and savored in the light and warm moments. I could also have slept a little later, and spent more time listening to my Kenyan friend speaking in broken Shona and possibly got more ribs broken listening to the attempts.
However, all these wishes do not count because the moments already passed, but I do know that it is these kinds of memories that will take me through in my not-so-good moments, and bring a smile to my face.
Therefore, instead of having regrets later in life, I choose to live in the present. I choose to be happy, and find beauty in every situation, This is a challenge that I thrust upon all collegiettes. Whether you just flunked a midterm or just had the first major heartbreak of your life. Whether you are not sure about what you want to do with your life, or you are going through some form of rough patch. Through it all, find that little time to connect with yourself, to find the hidden beauty, even when everything seems all bleak…after all not everything in the world is black and white- there is always some grey in between!
PPS -You only live once..