You wake up after a wild evening of fun and adventure to find a stranger in your bed. Or maybe you’re at his place. Either way, you need an exit strategy, pronto! This is how you can escape this situation gracefully.
If you’re at your place:
Dealing with the classic “Coyote Ugly” [1]
“Coyote Ugly”: When the guy you woke up next to is so entirely undesirable that it would be better to chew your arm off than to wake him up. It’s hard, but it has to be done. Get dressed, gently shake him awake, and tell him you need to leave for work/a meeting/anything in ten minutes. This is one of the kindest ways to make someone get lost – it’s not his fault or yours. Drive around the block to make it believable and then you’re home free.
The Invisible Man
It can be disappointing (or extremely relieving) to wake up to an empty bed. If he left his number call or text him later. If not, it just wasn’t meant to be. There are enough iced coffees and pints of ice cream to fix the dent in your heart.
The best way to say goodbye.
Providing that both of you are amenable, round two is always an option. Keep it light, fun, and casual. Tell him you had a great time, and that you wouldn’t mind exchanging numbers. Confidence and self-assuredness in the face of this potentially awkward situation is a turn-on.
If you’re at his place:
Gather up all of your belongings
Hopefully you can find everything. If not, work with what you have. It might be tempting to leave something behind so that Mr. One Night Stand returns it, but that tactic does not always work. You may never see your favorite earrings ever again.
To leave a note, or not leave a note.
Provided you didn’t wake up next to Frankenstein’s monster, feel free to leave a note. The simpler, the better: “So-and-so, last night was amazing. –[Name] 334-555-5555” If you are not 100% certain on his name, please don’t guess. Calling a guy by the wrong name is a blow to his ego.
Do not make breakfast.
“Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200”. Even if you can find eggs that are within a month of the expiration date and something that can pass as coffee grounds, it is best to make a strategic retreat. If he wants a date, he’ll call you.
Check in with your girls.
They are most likely extremely worried about you. After you are safely ensconced in a cab, call your friends and let them know you’re okay – albeit with an atrocious hangover.