10 Things Asian Women Are Tired of Hearing

Just recently my Asian-American female friend shared a video done by MTV on “The weird history of Asian sex stereotypes.” I would highly recommend watching it. It inspired me to express my inner frustrations with the way Asian women are looked at, sexualized and fetishized in the U.S. and in other western cultures. Throughout my teens and now early twenties, I’ve always been weary in the dating world because of the hypersexualized Asian woman stereotype. I’ve always been afraid that if my partners actually like me, they like me because of my ethnicity. So here’s to all of my fellow Asian females who have experienced their partners patronizing their ethnicity in the most demoralizing way. 

10. “You’re hot for an Asian girl.”

Just like any other Woman of Color, no, we don’t want to hear your backhanded compliment about how we’re the one “hot” exception out of the rest of our ethnic population that isn’t stereotypically hot. 

9. “Let me guess… Vietnamese? No, wait… Korean? Chinese?”

Ahh… my favorite “Let-me-guess-your-ethnicity” game. A simple, “What is your ethnic background?” would suffice if you’re really that curious. Our ethnicity is not a game for you. 

8. “Do you have a school girl outfit?”

The dainty Asian school girl fetish is one of many ways Asian women are hypersexualized. No, I don’t have a school girl outfit or an anime cosplay costume. 

7. “Will you make my fantasy come true?”

No, I will not. I will not pretend you’re my “senpai,” I will not be the Pikachu to your Ash, and my ethnicity is not here to serve you. 

6. “The fact that you’re Asian makes you ten times hotter!”

Thank you for making me feel like my nationality is the most desirable characteristic about me. 

5. “I’ve always wanted to hook up with an Asian.”

Newsflash: I don’t care. By disregarding my entire person and minimizing me down to a nationality you have on your sexual wish list, it’s dehumanizing and insulting. 

4. “I heard Asians are tighter. ;)” 

This stereotype completely disregards the anatomy of a vagina and how vaginas work. 

3. “You’re so exotic. I like that.”

Women of Color are stereotypically exoticized, implying that their non-whiteness is commodity that is sought after sexually. Like I said before, the blatant oversight of viewing another human being as an ethnicity rather than a person is demoralizing. And anyway… I thought you wanted to deport all foreigners… Which is it?

2. “I have a thing for Asians.”

Cool, Chad. Thank you for outwardly telling me that my ethnicity is the main attractor to my person; totally disregard my intelligence, great taste in music, and outstanding sense of humor. 

1. “Wow, I’ve never been with an Asian before.”

Yes, the number one thing I’ve heard told to me personally. Do people really have an ethnicity checklist for all of the different ethnicities they’ve hooked up with? Am I just filling a quota for you? You’re not making me feel special by saying this. You’re making me feel like a commodity or something you can check off of your sexual bucket list. 

Of course this topic is much more complex than this short list of statements that have been said to me and some of my fellow Asian female friends. This isn’t to say to completely ignore a person’s diversity and ethnicity if you were to engage in a relationship with them because I’m sure they would want to talk about their lived experiences as a POC, which you should, should a relationship ensue. But this definitely is saying to be mindful of the words and phrases you choose when speaking with Women of Color. What you may think is a compliment can actually be culturally insensitive and dehumanizing. 

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