Learning to love yourself is difficult and life doesn’t hand out instructions of how to master it. I struggled with self-love for much of my life. I would constantly beat myself up over little things. I didn’t like what I saw in the mirror. Being in my own skin was not an enjoyable experience. In the past year or so, I learned the importance of self-love and how to become my own best friend. The journey to self-love was not a smooth one. It was rocky with lots of wrong turns and low points, but I’ve reached a point where I feel good about myself. I recognize my self-worth when I look in the mirror. The thing about all of this is I never realized that there is a special kind of radiance to you when you love yourself. Friends ask me how I reached this point. While I can’t cover everything and there are things I have to leave out, the tips listed below are what I find significant in relation to loving yourself.
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Don’t compare yourself to others. While it may seem easy to compare yourself and your growth around you, it can be extremely toxic. There’s nothing wrong with looking to friends for motivation and inspiration but you shouldn’t use them as a model for who you should be and how you should act. You’re an individual and that’s what makes you beautiful and special. Think of your self-growth of something like a flower. You can’t rush the rate at which a flower blossoms. At the same time, a flower doesn’t think anything of the flowers surrounding it but blooms on its own time. You’re doing the best you can.
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Count the small victories and give yourself credit for them. Life is tough, there’s no questions about it. This being said, the smaller efforts should be held with just as much as significance as the big ones. You got out of bed and went to class even though you felt under the weather? Awesome! You reached out to a friend you know has been struggling and asked how they were doing? That’s great. You got a B on a test that you studied super hard for? Well deserved. While these things may seem minuscule and not of importance, they absolutely are. They are still things to pat yourself on the back for. Things don’t have to be ground breaking and life changing for you to accredit yourself for them.
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Strive to be better but appreciate what is already there. You’re not a final product, meaning there is always room for progress. So, it’s normal to want to take steps towards the bettering of yourself. The process one goes through to better themselves can be quite frustrating as comparing where you are to where you want to be makes it easy for you to be a little hard on yourself. While it’s important to think critically of yourself, you shouldn’t forget about the progress you already made and what you currently see when you look in the mirror. Regardless of what you’re trying to better about yourself, you should be able to recognize the current state of it and see how great of a job you’ve done thus far.
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Take care of yourself. Self-care means something different to everyone but it’s a must. Taking care of yourself goes hand in hand with loving yourself because it’s what keeps your mental health and well being where it should be. This could mean getting your eyebrows waxed and haircut on a monthly basis, watching an episode of your favorite show a few times a week, reading a book, taking a bath, going on a run—the list is never ending. Whatever allows you to practice self-care should be a crucial part of your life. Indulging in these things will help you feel good about yourself because they almost feel like small rewards. I understand there are things we must get done each day but you deserve to take breaks from those tasks to engage in something stress free with yourself.
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Learn how to forgive yourself for mistakes. Perfection is a state no one will ever reach even if it may seem possible for a split second. In life, you’re supposed to make mistakes. Without them, you would never learn. Dwelling on mistakes doesn’t require much effort as it is most people’s first reaction when they realize they’ve done something wrong. Sadly, no matter how much you dwell, you can’t change what has already been done. Consider this as you think back on your mistakes. Rather than wishing you could’ve done something differently, use this as a chance to learn from the experience. Most of all, you have to forgive yourself for your mistakes. Holding them over your head will only make the world feel a bit heavier to you
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Put yourself first. You are the most essential person in your life. People may have helped you along the way but without yourself, you would not be where you are right now. You have done so much by yourself and this is something not to be forgotten. I’ve always been the person to handle the problems of others before handling of my own because I’m selfless, but I can’t stress how vital it is to put yourself first. If you get in the habit of putting others before yourself, you will slowly see your well-being decline. I see the value in helping others but not when it takes the place of your well-being. Your wants, needs, and concerns come first before anyone else’s. Don’t let your drive to be a good person lead to you forgetting about you. You are always your own top priority.
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Be patient with yourself. Though it may seem like it, life is not a race. Your growth and development is not something to be rushed. There will be times when you feel like you’re far behind and you need to catch up when that couldn’t be less true. Everyone develops in their own ways and more importantly, at their own rates. There is no “right way” to this either. Good things take time and you must remember this as you’re going through life. There will be setbacks—it’ll feel disheartening, and you’ll struggle to find the strength to go on. However there is always something greater at the end of the journey. You must be patient with yourself. The journey of life consists of many twists and turns in which you’ll end up in places you didn’t plan on going to but you will get to where you’re meant to be as long as you treat yourself with the patience that you owe to yourself.