Content warning: mental health struggles
November 3rd, 2024, I was able to meet two people who have changed my life for the past 10 years. Dan and Phil are two male, British Youtubers who have brought joy to millions of people (many of them being queer & neurodivergent) for 15 years. A very long story short, Dan and Phil took a hiatus from posting on Youtube in 2018 and began posting again in late 2023. Millions of their watchers welcomed them back with open arms ready to embrace the new era of their channel. During the hiatus, they both independently came out as gay, so coming back from the hiatus, they both were able to be their full and authentic selves. They announced their 3rd world tour together, Dan and Phil: Terrible Influence Tour, where they would be talking about whether or not they were “terrible influences” on the way their watchers grew up. Of course, my best friend and I were going to go. After much contemplation, we decided to buy tickets that included a meet & greet and VIP experience.
I have consistently watched Dan and Phil for almost 11 years. At 9 years old, I didn’t realize how important they would become to the way I grew up for the next 11 years. The videos they posted made me laugh, smile, & distract myself from the anxiety and depression I could feel slowly entering my life. I was diagnosed with depression around my 7th/8th grade year, and around this time, Dan happened to upload a video titled “Daniel and Depression.” This video helped me loads when it came to understanding and coping with my own diagnosis. Just a few years ago, Dan wrote a book titled “You Will Get Through This Night”, where he talks about how to get through those moments where there doesn’t seem to be a light at the end of the tunnel. I read this during my freshman year of college, when I unfortunately needed it, but it helped the light to appear. I have that book to thank for one of the reasons I am still here. Like I said, in 2018 they both uploaded their own coming out videos. Phil’s was uploaded after Dan’s, as Phil was more lowkey about it and wanted people to focus more on Dan’s emotional video. Dan’s video changed me and so many other queer people. His video, titled “Basically, I’m Gay”, has amassed almost 13 million views. Dan talks about his struggles growing up and coming to terms with his queerness while also being severely depressed about it. After watching this video multiple times, I am still unable to watch it without crying. I highly suggest watching it. Dan and Phil’s videos came out right at a time where I was transitioning from using the bisexual label to the queer label and experimenting with new pronouns. Most important to me, for many, many years, Dan has extended to his audience his quote “embrace the void and have the courage to exist.” I absolutely have lived by this quote for as long as I can remember. It is so insanely powerful. These are only a handful of the reasons Dan and Phil have helped, and saved the lives of, millions of queer and neurodivergent people. They make sure everyone feels safe, welcomed, and loved. Seem like pretty good influences to me
For many weeks, days, even hours until I met them, I was in complete shock (I still kind of am). I would’ve loved to see the faces of 10, 13, and 17 year old me to tell them what was about to happen. My best friend and I met them and saw their show at the Chicago Theatre. The people that filled up the meet and greet line and the venue were the sweetest people we could have met. The sense of community that immediately was felt when inside the venue was like no other feeling. All of these people understand why meeting them was so important. I will be the first to recognize that for many years, this fandom was viewed as weird, but now knowing that all of us were just closeted queer kids with undiagnosed mental health issues, things add up. I like that I’m in this “weird” fandom; the people at the show understood each other. Dan and Phil understand their audience, and just want to cheer people up when times are tough. The meet and greet was so beautiful. My best friend knew how nervous I was, so they, very graciously, went first. We filmed each other’s meet and greets, so this was my chance for it to fully set in that, yes, they were right there in front of me. Once it was my turn, I hugged both of them, they both signed my queer flag ( and Dan signed his quote), and we chatted quickly. I took very adorable pictures with them, and like I said, my best friend filmed it as well. I got to tell them face to face that they are a reason that I am still on this planet. After, we went to the VIP Q&A and got to ask them some questions and have a very chill hangout. Later, the show started and I can’t even explain the way it healed me. My best friend and I also attended their last tour in 2018, but so much has changed for me, them, the community, since then that this show just felt like the biggest hug.
To be honest, I’m still having a hard time processing that I met them and saw them again. A lot of bad things have happened to me in the last few years, so I think the fact that something THIS good happened feels crazy. I am so eternally grateful that I was able to meet them and go to this show with my best friend and be surrounded by a wonderful community. I am grateful that I am in this community that has helped me embrace my queer and neurodivergent identity. Growing up Dan and Phil and this community have 100% made me a happier and more unique person; I wouldn’t change it for the world. If you have the opportunity to see or even meet your good influences, do it. Buy the ticket. Go to the show. This experience has helped me to heal, and I couldn’t be more happy for 10 year old and 20 year old Sarah at the same time.