The journey to healing isn’t linear—it’s messy, emotional, uncomfortable, and at times incredibly isolating. But in the quiet moments of reflection, through the heartbreaks and the uncomfortable truths, I’ve gathered pieces of wisdom that continue to guide me forward. These aren’t just lessons I’ve read or been told—they’re truths I’ve had to live through. And I want to thank my friends who have helped me through the process and recognize the work I have been putting in as well. Healing is not about becoming someone new; it’s about returning to yourself—stronger, wiser, and more grounded in who you are.
1. You need to validate your pain
In order to truly heal, you have to accept what has happened to you and allow your emotions—anger, sadness, whatever they may be—to exist without shame. It’s not about pretending everything’s fine; it’s about what you do with that pain and how you manage it. You have to allow yourself to speak freely about what happened. If you don’t let it out, growth becomes nearly impossible. I used to isolate myself in my emotions until I reached a breaking point. That’s when I realized: the people you want in your life are the ones who love you through the highs and the lows—not just the polished moments. Once I finally said things out loud, I was stunned by how much I had accepted—and how freeing it felt to vent to people who genuinely cared and were willing to listen.
2. Anything you lose by being honest, you never had in the first place.
I had to learn this one the hard way. You are not “too much.” You’ve simply been giving your all to people who weren’t ready to receive it. Taking a step back from friendships—or even acquaintances—that label you as too emotional or intense is not a loss; it’s a gift. It’s hard to accept that you may not be for everyone, but the people who do choose you? They’ll never make you feel like you’re too much. Friendships should feel mutual, safe, and full of love and appreciation—not judgment or silence.
3. Never forget how they gave you distance when all you needed was love.
The people who show up for you in your lowest moments—those are the ones who truly matter. Let go of those who disappeared when you needed them most. You don’t need surface-level friendships that waste your time or drain your energy. Personally, in my darkest of times, I have never forgotten who was there and since then I have shifted all my energy into those loving friendships and being there for them rather than generating a list of a “friend group” that won’t reciprocate the same energy.
4. If you think having uncomfortable conversations is hard, wait until you see the results of not having them.
I accepted the importance of addressing conflict to avoid miscommunication and problems down the road. Conflict is unavoidable and you will feel better in the long run when that conversation is over, whether that conversation went good or poorly, it will reaffirm who you are and help you foster a healthy mindset and find peace. For instance, I used to shut down in conversation out of nerves, but through experiences learned to remain calm and speak my mind respectfully, especially if someone starts yelling at you. In the end, it will make them look bad, and connect to the previous lessons I have learned in your journey to find fulfillment.
5. There is something beautiful about having long term friends that have witnessed multiple versions of you and loved you unconditionally through each version.
It’s deeply meaningful to look back on your growth and have someone who saw the entire journey—your highs, your heartbreaks, your setbacks, and your breakthroughs. These friends don’t just know you; they understand you. My closest friend has seen me cry, seen me thrive, and seen me at my absolute lowest. We’ve watched each other evolve, and now we can both say we’re proud of how far we’ve come. That kind of bond is priceless.
6. I don’t seek revenge. I move forward, live life and enjoy it.
I recognize I have been wronged, mistreated, and not valued but that shouldn’t mean you resort or match their energy. It is easy to let emotions take control, but recognize that you do not want to be like them or let their presence influence who you become. Especially on a smaller campus it is easier to run into them, they might give you a look or even walk with their head down, but challenge your thoughts on why you care. It can be so hard, but they showed you, they don’t care about you, so why do you care what they think or how they act? You are allowed to have those moments of letting them get to you sometimes, but find ways to get out of your head, or challenge it whether that be running, music, whatever you can handle. Flip your mindset of caring how others view you, to how you view yourself and how those who love you for you. In the end I know myself best, and care much more about my own standards for myself and those around me I look up to than people who lack emotional maturity or just treatment.
7. Be private, accept the loneliness and fix your life. No one is coming to save you.
This lesson has been the most transformative for me. Not everyone deserves access to your inner world. You get to decide who gets to know your story. For a long time, I searched for love, acceptance, and validation from everyone but myself. And yes, there were friends who showed up in meaningful ways—I’ll never forget the ones who brought me coffee or sat with me in silence. But at the end of the day, only I could save myself. The strength, love, and acknowledgment I craved? It was within me the whole time. Leaning on others is beautiful, but healing requires that you do the work. And now, in this new era of self-love, I know that the most important relationship I’ll ever have is the one I have with myself.