I spend most of my time worrying, and the rest eating and talking. I have hobbies too, like reading, writing…occasionally working out. But most of all worrying, or as I like to call it, questioning. I understand that worrying has a negative connotation so I’m going to stop using that word, and for now, I’ll refer to it as “questioning”. I have, and continue to question a lot… and I mean A LOT; probably to the point where I overthink and excessively contemplate everything. Rather than questioning who, what, where, when, why, I like to know why, why, why, why? Why did someone say that to me? Why did they have a bad day? Why did they react that way as opposed to any other?
There’s a framework of research that I recently learned in an Operations Management course called “The 5 Whys”, whereby you are encouraged to question up to the point at which you get to the root of the issue, in order for the operation to run smoothly. Similar to the “5 Whys” framework, not all problems have a single root cause. If one wishes to know all the causes of an issue, this method has to be repeated, by asking a different sequence of questions each time. Anyways, I’m curious and thorough when I choose to be. I like to know the ins and outs of any situation I’m in, so when I don’t, it’s an issue. But what I am starting to realize is that I’m not going to know the ins and outs of every situation. Even in the past, when I thought I knew everything there was to know about a situation or someone, I was always blindsided, leaving me feeling incapable or insufficient. The feeling and scenario that I am referencing are unoriginal and so common that it’s most likely happening to someone in the world as we speak.
It is because of this reason that I have decided to find a place in-between. Rather than seek to know, I’d rather seek to learn, and gradually come to know. One of my favorite artists, Erykah Badu often says: “Since knowledge is infinite it has infinitely fell on me so…” So my suggestion to anyone reading this is to believe in gradually coming to know rather than immediately knowing. If you didn’t get the internship you wanted, you can ask yourself why, but understand that there is a greater meaning for you that has yet to come to fruition. This perceived setback was made for your gradual ascension, through which you will undoubtedly gain far more knowledge along the way. So I take it back, I don’t spend my time worrying, I spend my time whying.