There’s been a recent trend on TikTok emphasizing the importance of de-influencing. Many people of varying ages and experiences have posted videos exposing the truth and monotony of life. The purpose of this trend is not to suck the soul out of what’s supposed to be sweet moments that may have turned sour. Instead, it helps bring us back to reality, realizing that good can still arise from even the toughest situations and outcomes. Here’s my contribution to the trend as a college senior:
I find more peace in intimate hangouts than out partying.
If you know me, you know I love a good vodka Sprite and cran or a vodka soda. The difference is, I don’t have to be at a bar late at night to enjoy one. The expenses add up over time, and it’s cheaper to buy the ingredients in bulk and make them at home anyway. Even though I’m still freshly 21 and “it’s your last year to enjoy the college social scene!”, this doesn’t make it any more appealing. My social battery is very limited, and I get tired of that environment pretty quickly. Recently, I’ve been enjoying staying inside, cozying up with friends and my boyfriend, playing games, watching movies, baking treats, etc. – doing something that still fills my social cup but in a (mentally) healthier way.
I’m at the least active point in my life, physically.
At the end of my freshman year, I was introduced to lifting weights at the gym. In high school I didn’t have to think of alternative exercise methods; I played soccer and tennis while also dancing competitively. The pandemic hit, and I became a victim of home workouts, which I loved and carried with me during my first semester on campus. When I was back in my hometown for breaks, I’d try and fit in some at-home cardio and do a quick lift at the gym, but I stopped having a frequent workout regime during the school year. As the years progressed and I got more involved with extracurriculars, I didn’t feel motivated to take that extra step and perform some sort of workout. I sit here now writing this article having not been to the gym in months and not even energized enough to pull up a quick workout on my TV. I’m taking my lack of motivation as a sign that my body needed to do some internal healing and recovery during these past few blah-feeling months.
My parents and I are not close with either side of our families like we used to be.
My dad is the youngest of five and my mother is the oldest of two. Being the youngest grandchild on both sides of the family (by 10 years on my dad’s side and nine months on my mom’s), I was almost always the center of attention and loved spending time with everyone. I looked forward to weekly visits with my grandparents just as much as I loved seeing the full extended families around the holidays. When my cousins started having children, I was always eager to play with their little ones which led me to bond more with my cousins. Both sets of grandparents were the glue that kept our immediate families intact; now, only my mom’s mom is still alive, which shifted our family dynamics quite intensely. It’s inevitable that as the family tree continues growing bigger, the focus shifts from the family as a whole to each sibling’s immediate family. Being the only child in a quaint family of 3, it’s hard watching my cousins and their kids, who are close in age, thrive in life without me being as close as I once was to them. I feel like I’m missing out on so much because everyone has moved away or simply gone their separate ways. On the flip side, I get to look forward to thriving in my own adult life and getting to build my family like my cousins have had the chance to. I don’t know what family gatherings will look like for this upcoming holiday season, but I’m excited to spend this time surrounded by my parents and grandma.
I feel like I’m growing apart from my hometown friends.
In my small hometown where my graduating class was about 150, I graduated with a solid friend group of 3 others: one of my closest friends since kindergarten, and two close friends since middle school. One stayed local and went to a commuter college, another went to a private university still relatively close to home, and the other went away to college like I did. Naturally, our different experiences and locations pulled us apart but we still managed to hang out during every break, take summer trips, and stay connected through social media. I just went home for Thanksgiving break and we all met up to hang out one night. As we were catching up with each other, it felt as though I was learning about some strangers’ lives. So much has happened since I last saw everyone a few months ago. I’m conflicted because part of me is happy they all waited to catch up in person but the other part of me wishes they would’ve shared updates sooner through our group chat. I can’t be too much of a hypocrite because I wasn’t necessarily sharing every detail with them either. Maybe this means that I have to accept our changing lives. It doesn’t mean that we have to stop being friends now that we’re at this point. Another chapter in our lives is about to close, making room for new and exciting ones, and I should be celebrating these accomplishments, even if it’s from afar.
I feel like I’m outgrowing college in general.
I’m going to be completely honest: I think I’ve been over the whole college experience since the summer after my sophomore year. I was lucky enough to secure a 9-5 corporate internship that summer, which at first was an extreme culture shock: having new responsibilities while living in a new town was different. I ended the summer excited about being back at school with my friends but loathing sitting through lectures and being assigned homework (I guess you can call this junior-itis?). The college lifestyle is so vastly different from a professional full-time working lifestyle and it was just as hard having to switch between lifestyles in a matter of 3 months. It didn’t help that I had a crazy busy fall semester with demanding courses, a part-time job, and an equally demanding leadership position pulling me in a thousand different directions. I didn’t take on an internship this past summer because I don’t think I ever recovered from junior year – hell, I don’t think I’ve gained my energy and motivation back a full year later. I’ve backed off of leadership positions this year to prioritize relaxation and “rotting,” but I’m the type of person who has to stay busy or otherwise I drive myself insane, stuck doing nothing. I feel confident in the future of my romantic relationship, so my mind has shifted to all the wonderful things that life after college will bring. With that, the will to stick it through for another semester is barely hanging by a thread. As hard as this last semester is going to be, I need to make sure I set myself up for success post-graduation.
One final note – the job market SUCKS and it’s not easy to secure an internship, let alone an entry-level position. It seems like no amount of experience you drum up during your college career is satisfactory for landing your first job post-grad. For those of us graduating in May, there’s still lots of time to find the opportunity that’s right for you, but it doesn’t make it any less stressful right now. I keep reminding myself that the right things will unfold in due time and I just have to hold my head high until then – let those words sink in for you too. It’s okay when these life changes knock you down; it allows for opportunities for growth and learning that you may not have had before.