When I graduated from high school, I was starry-eyed and ready to conquer the college beast. I thought I would go in there, get my degree, graduate, and live happily ever after. Up until that point I had always heard about how difficult college was, but I thought to myself, “High school was easy, how bad could college be?” In my case, it was a lot harder than I could imagine.
I graduated high school in 2018. Straight from there, I went to Indiana University – Purdue University Indianapolis (now IU Indianapolis) to study dental hygiene. My first month of college was seemingly going well; I was actively participating in my social life and activities, I set aside time to study every night and always did my homework by the due date. Even with what I thought were my best efforts, I began failing all five of my classes by mid-semester. The stress of trying to balance college, a social life, and work began to pile up on me rapidly; in turn, my mental health took a sharp decline. I started feeling very angry, depressed, anxious and suicidal. I struggled to get out of bed and eventually stopped going to classes entirely. When I had the energy to get up, it was spent blowing up on my loved ones and doing the bare minimum. During this time, I just couldn’t bear the thought of going to school and watching my college dream slip between my fingers. My family and I decided it would be in my best interest if I dropped out of college while I worked on stabilizing myself and reassessing my goals. In turn, I withdrew from IUPUI.
After withdrawing from school, I entered the workforce and stayed there for four years. During that time I had two large life changes occur: I had my daughter and my dad died. Those experiences were the catalyst for change, opening up a long period of self-reflection. I began thinking about my place in the world and what I wanted my future to look like. I decided that I couldn’t let life happen to me anymore; I needed to make it happen for me. I wanted to return to college to see if I could redeem myself.
In 2022, I began looking at colleges – with Ball State being the first to come to mind. As I looked through the list of undergraduate majors, I came across the dietetics program. I quickly thought, “Yeah, I can do that! Sign me up!” I filed an application, got my acceptance letter, and have been here for nearly three years since then. I am happy to say that I am doing significantly better this time!
During these years of my college career, I have gained so much useful knowledge about my current and past self. I figured out why I failed my first semester of college, and here’s what I’m doing now to open the door to success:
Low emotional intelligence/lack of maturity.
This was particularly difficult for me to realize that this was the biggest part of my issue. Back then, I would get stressed easily, have difficulty handling criticism, and blame others for my pitfalls. I still get stressed easily, but I have far better coping strategies now. I also realize that criticism is largely meant to help better yourself and hone your skills. Of course, not all criticism is constructive, so learning to discern between good and bad advice has been a skill I have been developing. Finally, realizing that my actions and decisions are my responsibility has helped.
Didn’t reach out for help.
When I was younger, this was a pride thing. I felt that asking for help meant that I was stupid. I’m not stupid, so why would I ask for help? This mindset led to many wrong assumptions and jumping to conclusions. Today I think the opposite: the smartest people ask the most questions. Whenever I am even the slightest bit unsure about something, I ask! I don’t care if I look stupid, more than likely someone has the same question, too. When it comes to your future livelihood, always ask questions.
Studied to memorize, not to understand.
The thing about college is that your classes become largely conceptual. It’s not like high school where you can memorize terms and dates. You need to understand the underlying concept and how it can be applied. Sure, I set aside time to study during my initial college experience, but my poor study skills proved fruitless. My advice: read your textbook, go to office hours, and actively participate in the classroom. For all freshmen at Ball State, I highly recommend setting up an appointment with a study skills tutor at the Learning Center. I did this during my first semester here and it helped tremendously!
Didn’t utilize my resources.
You. Pay. For. Everything. In. College. Through loans, scholarships, grants, or straight out of your family’s pockets. Why do you think your tuition is the way it is? You pay for the bus system, Ball Gymnasium, class fees, student services (such as tutors), and much more. Because we students foot the bill for these resources, we can use them as we wish! Go to the Rec Center regularly! Use the buses! Go to the Learning Center! Go to the Counseling Center! These were included in your tuition, so milk these resources for all they’re worth. If you are unsure about what resources are available, consult your academic advisor, a professor, or an upperclassman. All these people want to see you win. Your grades and mental health will greatly thank you.
Poor boundaries between work and play.
Don’t let your bedroom/dorm room be your study area. If you’re like me, you get easily distracted by that neat little knick-knack on your shelf when you try to focus on something. Now, I complete schoolwork in a library or a space away from home. Home is for relaxing, school is for working. Also, I save social activities for breaks, weekends, or club meetings. I see college as a time to focus on getting my education. Making friends along my college journey is just a cool perk! And most importantly, silence your phones/smartwatches and put them away when studying. Of course, we want to check them when they start buzzing, but it has the potential to lead to mindless scrolling during study time. Do yourself a favor and put it up!
I don’t need to tell you that failure sucks. It can be such a terrible blow to your self-esteem. Remember that it’s not so much the failure that matters, it’s what you do after. Do you lay down and give up on what you want? Or do you restrategize and get back up again? We learn from failure, rarely from success. These were the five lessons I learned and I hope they can help you, too. Don’t make the mistakes I did. If you do, learn from it and move on. You’ve got this!