Sure you can find Brad and Chad on every college campus, but this is Baylor. We’re a Baptist university deep in the heart of Texas with a male population looking for a wife, friends with benefits or their dignity after their viral Barstool video. With 33% of students involved in Greek life, some of these categories may overlap. Here’s a list of the 10 different guys you’ll meet in your time at Baylor.
The Pledge
He lives on the Dirty Third or Martin and has not slept since winter break. His decorations include flags, plastic water bottles and pink lemonade puff bars. His second semester wardrobe is entirely composed of baggy suits and he is never seen without another brother. Poor kid belongs to the fraternity now.
The Slutty Virgin
He likely took his purity ring off after going to Scruffs for the first time, but he still believes in waiting for marriage. He’s an amazing kisser but the twin bed is a hard pass. Some of these guys will have sex and then gaslight the girl for leading him to temptation and sin, meaning she can never be his wifey.
The Texan
His truck is so tall it does not fit in Dutton and he has to park off campus all freshman year. His parents likely named him after a city and his mother asked if Baylor allowed for a concealed carry on the tour. He has multiple pictures with fish on his Tinder profile and he will never spend as much money on you as he does his boots.
The Frat God
“WHO DO YOU KNOW HERE?” He only owns navy bed sheets and owns multiple American flag themed articles of clothing. This ‘J’ name believes the pull out method is effective and won’t Venmo you $50 for that morning CVS run. Likely found in Foster.
The Honors Student
He came in as a Republican and then he took some BIC classes. He is part of a musical ensemble for *balance* and regularly runs around the Bear Trail. He lives on campus all four years and hangs out during professors’ office hours for fun. Nobody actually knows what his degree plan is, including himself.
The Upperclassman
Chuck has been here since the 8th street bridge was torn down and he is not going anywhere. While he identifies as a 5th year senior, his real classification is a sophomore to the nth degree if he was ever able to solve for n. At this point, does he even go here?
The Life Group Leader/Camp Counselor
He still thinks a camp branded bandana counts as a mask. His feet never get cold from wearing chacos in the winter. He is very interested in the Waco coffee scene and volunteering to paint the same wall for the 5th time that week at the youth center. You’ll find him at Shorty’s on Thursday drinking pitchers after spike ball practice, but only because it “compliments the pizza pillows”.
The Fiancé
He’s nice and datable, which is why someone is already dating him. The proposal took place on the suspension bridge where they went tortilla tossing together freshman year. His facial hair might still be only peaking through on the wedding day, but that is okay. He only calls her ‘his fiancé’ to let everyone know that she got that ring by spring.
The Unattainable Athletes
Is he actually hot or is it just the fact that he’s a D1 athlete? This guy thinks he walks on water, when in reality, he peaked junior year. He drives a challenger or charger with his name as the license plate. If he isn’t talking to multiple girls at once, it’s because he’s studying for his kinesiology exam. And no, he’s not that into you.
The Future Senators
His wardrobe consists of ill-fitting suits and he pretends to listen before discrediting your opinion. He is a political science major on the pre-law track, because what else would it be? He got votes to be a student senator by befriending all of Collins and passing out cookies after chapel. Probably lived in Penland freshman year.
At the end of the day, Baylor does have amazing guys who go here and this was all written in fun. Some of these stereotypes may ring true and others are over-exaggerated. Just avoid ‘J’ names at all costs, and you’ll have a great college experience.