When I was 18 years old and received the magical “You’ve been accepted!” email from Baylor University, I imagined my next four years being just like a coming-of-age movie. My head was filled with football games, fraternity parties, meeting my best friends, joining a sorority and being happier than I had ever been.
The summer before I came to Baylor, my mom was diagnosed with Stage 4 colon cancer. Anyone who knows anything about cancer diagnoses (and I genuinely hope that you don’t), just let out a sigh. This is not a hopeful diagnosis, and it left little room to hold onto a happy college experience in my future. My freshman year was filled with several visits home, crying in my twin XL bed and anxiously awaiting phone calls on appointment days. For every night spent out late with my best friends making memories, there was another night spent imagining the awful loss that was looming in my future. I distinctly remember leaving the table while I was out with my friends at Bubba’s to go cry in the bathroom because my mom was not responding well to a new treatment.
On September 4th, 2020, my mom passed away. I was a new sophomore, and instead of just having Baylor Homecoming on my mind, I was navigating experiencing a catastrophic loss in the midst of a global pandemic. I tried to heal by engaging with my friends as much as I could, and I was pushing myself to feel normal despite the deep depression I was experiencing. In the midst of major grief, I felt pressure to still be experiencing a normal sophomore year because I didn’t want the “best four years of my life” to be lost.
Although my specific situation might not be relatable to many people, I do think it’s common for life to throw hardships at you in a lot of different ways. All of us have experienced the stress and uncertainty of a pandemic during our college years. Some of you may have had an injury permanently alter your chance of participating in athletics, some of you may have gone through a devastating break-up, and some of you may be experiencing mental health issues for the first time in your life that make it difficult to enjoy your everyday life. The world is full of things that alter our course, and that forces us to be flexible in our expectations of what our time here at Baylor will look like.
The media teaches us that our college experience is the peak of our existence, and that we must make the most of it because it will never get any better than this. This depiction places a lot of weight on our shoulders to be living our best lives, when there are plenty of things that make it hard to just get through the day. If you are feeling anxious because you feel like you aren’t getting the full college experience, please know that you are not alone.
The truth is that there is beauty and pain in each stage of life. There are no four years that are universally the best for everyone, and this idea is harmful and often leads to disappointment. There are things about college that are amazing, but you might miss the simple joy in getting coffee with your friends and seeing the kittens outside of Draper if you are searching for a life-changing Friday night party. These four years are full of growth, joy, trials, and disappointment, all wrapped up in a bow around your diploma.
If you are struggling because you feel like everyone around you is having more fun, remember that we are all going through the same thing. It is totally normal to miss your parents, and to feel a bit cheated when life throws something hard your way. Unfortunately, hardship doesn’t just go on a pause until you graduate. Take the pressure off of yourself to live a life worthy of a Netflix movie, and just focus on finding small moments of joy in each day.
When I need to recenter my focus in the moments that feel too heavy, I like to think of five things I am grateful for. I know this sounds really cheesy, but it is so easy to forget about the good things when the bad things feel overwhelming. Focusing on the people you love is a great way to ground yourself, and to distract from whatever it is that is stressing you out in the moment.
It is also really important to be honest with the close people in your life about how you are feeling. I have learned recently that there is immense strength in vulnerability, and that sharing your heartache is essential in healing. If you don’t feel like you have anyone in your life that you can talk to, I encourage you to start searching for more friends. I promise you that there is someone at Baylor that you will click with – you just have to put yourself out there until you find them. It can be easy to isolate yourself when you are going through something, but it is worth it to push through and make connections in spite of the inclination to hide. I met my best friend by saying yes to a boba date with some girls on my hall freshman year. You can meet great people by getting involved with a local church, joining organizations on campus, and even reaching out to someone on social media that you might have something in common with (in the least creepy way possible). Most of the time, the people around you are just as desperate to make connections as you are.
When you start feeling ready to pack your bags and click the appealing “unenroll” button on BearWeb, try to plan things regularly in your schedule to look forward to. This could be getting Andy’s with your roommate, going to the farmer’s market downtown, or watching Bachelor in Paradise with your cat. It is important to plan things that bring you joy, even if you feel too busy. I have a daily ritual of going to HTeaO as a reward for not skipping any classes (and before you shed a tear for my bank account, you should know they have half-price drinks from 2:00 to 4:00 pm). You are dealing with a lot, and it is okay to celebrate small wins.
At the end of the day, we are all just humans who put our pants on one leg at a time. Take the pressure off of yourself, and stop comparing your life to the one of the pretty girl who sits next to you in chapel that looks like she has never had a bad hair day. College is great, but it is not the last time you will ever be happy. Enjoy the good moments, and don’t let the bad ones ruin the whole experience for you.