Mental illnesses have been stigmatized for far too long and luckily, as times change so is the notion that anyone with a mental disorder is “crazy” or just “being dramatic”. So many people are getting proper help for these very serious medical issues and hopefully, sometime soon people will truly understand the struggles we face.
When you’re depressed everything turns dark and cold. No matter how much sunshine you have in your life it just doesn’t get brighter. Sometimes you have little brief sunspot moments where it seems all better, but then the clouds blow in again and you’re right back to that little place again. It doesn’t matter how many times we hear people in our lives saying that we just need to breathe and do certain things. Because chances are that we’ve already tried that.
Life is already hard, and adding depression to that makes things a lot worse. We know that we have our issues, and we already know that people in our lives may not understand what we’re struggling with. Due to the darkness surrounding us, it can be hard to do everyday things purely because that little voice is telling us things like “what’s the point? No one cares about you.” “Why should you go out tonight, those people you hang out with hate you.” or “why are you trying so hard in school like you’re already failing so what’s the point when life doesn’t even matter at this point.” We know that none of it is true, but again, it’s hard to convince yourself that those are all lies when you hear them from yourself all day every day.
The most helpful thing to do for someone with depression is to just be there and support them. But also look for the more common signs of depression such as:
- Not caring about school/work
- Suddenly dropping out of school or quitting a job that they truly seemed like they enjoy.
- Sleeping a lot and just keeping to themselves more
- Eating less and skipping meals
- Neglecting basic things like washing clothes, cooking, cleaning their room, and showering
- Canceling plans repeatedly
Depression affects everyone differently so the person you love may not exhibit these exact signs so it’s important to know their attitude and watch for small shifts in their behavior. But here are some things that you can do to support the person you love.
Friends:
The best thing for people to do if their friend is depressed is to reassure them whenever they can. It may seem stupid but it’s important. There are constant thoughts floating in our heads telling us that we’re a bother or aren’t wanted around. It’s easy to talk to a group of people at a party and think they don’t like you because you’re annoying. Or maybe you stop yourself from doing certain things purely because that anxious voice in the back of your head is telling you all the ways that people can negatively view you. We know that none of it is true but it’s not easy when you have this lingering dark cloud hanging over you.
Because of this continue reassuring your friends that their fears and anxieties aren’t true. Be open for your friend to come to you for help and listen when they do, a lot of our biggest fears are surrounding what someone we love will say when we talk to them about these issues.
Family:
Like with friends just be there for your person and please don’t give advice unless they ask for it, maybe read up on how depression affects people or talk to someone with depression to get a view into their mind. Go easy on your person. Don’t force them to do things they don’t want to and be willing to help when they ask. Most importantly, if you see them making choices or doing things that are self-destructive think about getting them some medical help. It’s not always liked, but therapy does help when you’re open to it and so is seeing a psychiatrist.
The stigma around anti-depressants makes having the illness worse because we hear constantly that by taking these medications, we’re “getting addicted” when most of the time they’re the only thing keeping us alive. Medication isn’t for everyone and that’s okay but it’s not okay to make someone feel guilty about taking medication because they know themselves and what they need.
Professors:
I don’t know if any professors will read this, but I wanted to add this part on the off chance one might. If one of your students is struggling with depression be lenient. I promise you that your student already knows how they’re doing in class, and they know that they’re not performing at the best ability they can. This is in the back of our minds every day and we are trying our best I promise, but sometimes our best isn’t good enough for what is expected of us. When a neurotypical student is giving 100% effort we have to give 150% because everything is a lot harder for us. So please listen to your student when they tell you that they’re going through a lot and need an extension on an assignment or any schoolwork. Because it took a lot to just ask you for help.
Lastly, if you yourself are suffering from depression know that you’re not alone.
I know that’s cliché because I roll my eyes when I hear that too. But it’s also very true. You never know what someone is going through which means that maybe the cute guy you like in class is struggling a lot just like you. That girl that seems like she’s got everything figured out may be secretly falling apart when she’s at home alone. So, keep going even when it feels like you shouldn’t, reach out for help when you need it, and when you fall into that dark hole remember that you are loved and appreciated. Because you are. Even if it seems like no one loves you someone does you just don’t see it because of the cloudiness around you.
For me, when the world seems all too dark, and I feel like I’m drowning I try to find someone that can be my artificial sunshine and give me something to wake up for. It may seem stupid to some but when you’re struggling to survive it’s crucial to have something to look forward to every day, even if it’s the smallest most unimportant thing. So, when you start to lose yourself think about how you’re going to see your crush in class on Wednesday or how much your pet needs you because all that matters is that you keep going.
Discussions about mental illnesses are never easy but they’re incredibly necessary. Too many college students take their lives as a result of depression and having hard conversations like this can sometimes save a life. I hope that from reading this article you see how your support or lack of support can impact the person you love. At the end of the day, we’re all humans and we all need reassurance sometimes along with plenty of love. So next time you see someone you love that’s struggling with depression just remind them how much you love and care about them.
If you or someone you know is seeking help for mental health concerns, visit the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) website, or call 1-800-950-NAMI(6264) or the new National Hotline, 988. For confidential treatment referrals, visit the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) website, or call the National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP(4357).