Around three years ago, my best friend died in a car accident. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through. As the years have passed, this tragedy has led me to think that I need to control everything because I don’t want to lose more people. For this reason, I’ve held on to people in my life that simply shouldn’t be there, solely because of the fear of losing someone by choice.
Letting go of things you loved and that have been in your life for so long is one of the hardest things you will probably have to go through. The truth of the matter is that, even though the process is indeed painful, what is most painful is making the decision to actually let go and erase that person from your life. And believe me, freeing your mind from that dense thought that there’s something else you can do to fix the situation is so relieving. This is because oftentimes, you don’t miss a person because of who that person is. Instead, you miss what that person represented in your life at a given moment. You may even idolatrize that person in order to make that feeling even more intense. In addition, you hold on to a belief that is simply not true and a hope that probably won’t happen. And this is why it’s so draining to hold tightly to these people: you wait for something to change, and it never does.
I’ve learned that the first step in letting go is accepting that that person is simply not going to be in your life anymore. When you realize this, you are entering a new chapter of your life and will start imagining your life without that person. After you tried and did everything you could to have that person in your life, it will be deeply freeing to simply stop wondering. Thus, obviously forgetting a person is almost impossible, but understanding that that person came into your life when you needed it and left when you also needed it, is life-changing. You can’t control what other people do or how they act, but you can, to a certain extent, control what you feel. And this is very tied to one’s self-esteem, considering you most likely will not accept a person that is not putting effort into you. Therefore, the key to letting go is loving yourself and recognizing that you deserve more.
Overall, this is a process. No matter how much time has passed, it is normal to think and reminisce about an important person that was a crucial part of your life. However, one has to realize that often times thinking about what could be instead of simply letting go is worse. The people that are meant to be in your life, will be in your life, as simple as that! And this doesn’t mean that you don’t need to work to create friendships and relationships, but it does mean that there is a fine line between fighting for someone and losing yourself in the process.
This is your life. Go outside, meet new people, and get to know yourself more. Life is too short to spend most of your time thinking about someone or something that will never be meant for you. So yes, I am sorry to say that, some people are simply not meant to be in your life, no matter how much you wish they were.