Disclaimer: This is meant as a piece of satire. Please don’t fail all your finals. Unless of course you’re in my classes, in which case, you would be helping the curve. My GPA will thank you with a Christmas gift basket from lower. But really, as Drake would say: “Don’t do it, please don’t do it.”
Spend All Your Time on Social Media
Seriously, who doesn’t love to hear your status ranting about all your work? Other people need to know how much you have, because clearly you have the most work of anyone. Better yet, show them how busy you are. Selfies in the library? The coolest. Here are some awesome examples of things you definitely should tweet:
“OMGGGGZZZ dying in Bapstttt #finals #studyingforever”
“Will pay you in love and cookies if you bring me Dunkies in O’Neill!! #soooootired”
“Have you ever noticed that “studying” is “student” and “dying” put together??? LOL #butactually #somuchwork”
“LAWLZ 7 days, 53 minutes, 34 seconds 12 nanoseconds until it’s time to go #HOME”
Study with Friends at All Times
Studying can be so boring if you’re alone. It makes way more sense to get all your friends together so you can laugh about how much work you have! Go ahead and ignore the people giving you dirty looks in the library when your gaggle of giggles gets too loud. They are obviously just jealous because they aren’t as popular as you and all your friends!
Party Every Chance You Get
Honestly, when the stress of finals is too much, the best thing to do is rage. Grab your bandage skirts and whatever choice beverages you have to get rid of before your flight home and go crazy! Everyone knows study days are a gift from Boston College so that you have a couple more nights to go out with your friends. So what if you’re too hungover to do work the next day? College is mainly about partying anyways! You can tell your parents I said so if they’re disappointed with your grades.
Procrastinate, Procrastinate, and then Procrastinate Some More
You know that saying, “The early bird gets the worm”? Well, I think worms are disgusting, so I’ll leave those to the birds while I sleep a little more. And then go on Facebook for a few hours. And then tweet something witty about finals. And read all of the new Her Campus articles. And finally… check Facebook again. I know I should be studying, but my textbooks will be here all day! Why rush things?
Stress Out Too Much
This is my favorite trick for failing all my finals! Don’t you realize that this is THE most important series of tests you will ever take? Do you want to graduate, or get a job, or ever have any ounce of success in your life? Unless you’re stressing so much that your hair is falling out, you’re doing it wrong. If you fall off track and start to reassure yourself that there is a slim chance you won’t fail all of your finals, remind yourself of all the horrible things that will happen if you earn anything less than a 99.999% on exams. Remember, everyone is counting on you.
Photo Sources:
http://www.swurvradio.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/Drake-book.jpg