Disclaimer: Please read with caution. This article is meant to be a funny satire.
Let’s face it. Finals are the worst.
With finals season quickly approaching, I’ve found myself spending more time thinking about how much I hate finals than actually studying for finals. In my time procrastinating, I’ve put together a list of 50 things that I think would be better than taking final exams:
1. Becoming a vegan
2. Publishing my middle school diary
3. Having blood drawn
4. Watching paint dry
5. Having my parents read all of my text messages
6. Going to a silent movie
7. Being run over by a truck
8. Playing with fire
9. Going to the dentist
10. Forgetting how to breathe
11. Breaking a leg
12. Breaking both legs
13. Being ignored by my crush on Snapchat
14. Giving up my right to vote
15. Sacrificing my first born child
16. Only listening to classical music for the rest of my life
17. Quitting social media
18. Falling down an NYC sewer hole
19. Finding out I’ll never get a boyfriend
20. Shaving my head
21. Being stuck in an airport for 12 hours
22. Running a marathon
23. Permanently losing my voice
24. Cleaning my dorm room
25. Never being able to eat bread again
26. Getting a flu-shot
27. Finding out that I’m allergic to candy
28. Living on Newton Campus for all 4 years at BC
29. Canceling Christmas
30. Falling off of a building
31. Getting back together with my jerky ex-boyfriend
32. Learning to knit
33. Losing $500,000,000 dollars in a bet
34. Tripping down the stairs in front of cute boys
35. Being mugged
36. Getting trapped in a public restroom
37. Drowning
38. Discovering a rat in my room
39. Sitting through a 5-hour lecture
40. Not having eyebrows
41. Getting broken up with
42. Missing Marathon Monday
43. Walking to the state of Florida all the way from Boston College in the rain
44. Falling through a trampoline
45. Never looking at funny memes again
46. Being publically humiliated
47. Knowing the exact day I will die
48. Only wearing the color orange for the rest of my life
49. Being trampled at Modstock
50. Enrolling at BU
Even though we can all agree that finals are horrible, we only have a few weeks left before they’re done! Best of luck to everyone!!!