Bonjour a tous! It’s hard to believe it’s almost April, which is a scary thought considering I leave Paris at the end of May! I’ve done so much already and yet I still feel like there are parts of this fabulous city that I have yet to conquer. Luckily, Ophelie, our adorable BC program coordinator in Paris, has been putting together a bunch of tours, activities, and day trips for us. These BC-coordinated events are free (always a plus for broke college students) and give us the chance to tour places such as the famous Opera Garnier, which we wouldn’t have experienced otherwise.
A few weeks ago we all attended a one-man play in English called “How to be Parisian in One Hour.” It turns out that this is one of Paris’ most popular attractions. People of all nationalities flock to this little hole-in-the-wall theatre to learn how to act like a Parisian from Olivier Giraud. The play was hilarious, poking fun at both Americans and Parisians, and proving that, sometimes, stereotypes are realities. Now, after learning from the master “How to be Parisian” and living here for three months, I feel like I have a pretty good idea how to blend in with the locals. I’ve compiled a list, both from Olivier Giraud’s tips and a few of my own personal experiences, of the do’s and don’ts of how to be Parisian.
On the Metro:
DON’T:
- Smile at people
- Try to make conversation with strangers
- Give money to the homeless man pretending to be blind and suffering from 7 types of cancer
- Try to get on the metro before the other passengers get off
- Stand on the left side of the escalator. If you’re not walking up, stay to the left so people can pass you by.
DO:
- Frantically find a seat
- Pick a spot on the floor and stare at it
- Listen to your iPod
- Ignore the annoying musicians who run from car to car trying to impress you with the same songs
- Walk right past someone if you see them fall
In a restaurant:
DON’T:
- Ask for the English menu
- Obnoxiously call out “Waiter, waiter!” to get your server’s attention
- Ask the server to translate every single item on the menu once he gets to your table
- Ask for substitutions/changes to menu items
- Ask for your coffee with your meal. It will come after even if you order it along with your main course.
- Leave a tip
DO:
- Make eye contact with the waiter and, with a nod of your head, beckon him over to the table when you’re ready to order
- Know exactly what you want to order when the server gets to your table
- Order in French
- Order a “carafe d’eau” (a pitcher of water). It’s free.
- Ask for bread. That’s free also.
- Eat slowly. Your meal should take at least one hour and even that’s considered fast.
- Ask for “l’addition” (the check) when you’re ready to leave. If you don’t ask for it, it will never come.
At a club:
DON’T:
- Arrive exactly when the doors open
- Speak English while waiting in line
- Act like you’ve already had a few drinks
- Pay for drinks in the club. They’re super expensive and usually a French guy will offer to buy you one.
- Scream “OMG I love this song!” when the DJ puts on Britney Spears
- Try to start a conversation with the cab driver on the ride home
DO:
- Speak English to the bouncer
- Wear black
- Act like a model in line to get in faster. Go the whole nine yards: strut, death stare, pursed lips, hair toss.
- Dance like the French do. Just look around to see what everyone else is doing and follow suit.
- Act unfazed by the clubbing scene
- Stay until the club closes
What to wear:
DON’T:
- Wear a backpack
- Wear American brands (i.e. North Face). You may as well wear a neon green t-shirt with big blacks letters reading “I AM AN AMERICAN.”
- Wear rain boots
- Wear a fanny pack (but let’s be real, who, under the age of 60, even owns a fanny pack anymore?)
DO:
- Wear heels. And no, it doesn’t matter that it’s a Monday morning and you’re rushing off to school.
- Wear layers. Think bohemian.
- Wear big overcoats
- Wear red lipstick
- Wear over-the-shoulder bags (applies for both men and women)
- Wear “Beats by Dre” headphones
- Wear oversized sunglasses
- Wear scarves (again, applies for both men and women)
Of course, some of these are horrible and complete stereotypes (for both Americans and Parisians), but many times you find yourself realizing that stereotypes exist for a reason – they’re true. So before you venture out into the city of Paris, take a quick glance over the list and keep in mind what to do and, more importantly, what not to do in order to act like a true Parisian. After all, Parisians are supposed to be unfriendly, grumpy, “tortured souls” who dislike anything that isn’t 100% French. Why wouldn’t you want to be exactly like them?