Disclaimer: Please read with caution. This article is meant to be a funny satire.
I’m just going to come out and say it: Rubinoff Vodka, “Ruby” for short, as it’s known at BC, may be the worst alcohol on the market. It’s so bad in fact, I think it could be probably be used as a torture device, and yet for some reason, BC students have the biggest love-hate relationship with it.
For those unaware, take a quick trip to Res and discover the world of Ruby “vodka” (note: I am fully convinced it is rubbing alcohol) complete with delicious flavors like Blue Raspberry, Pink Lemonade, Green Apple, and my personal favorite, Mango. If the diverse flavors and actual coloring of the vodka are not enough to entice you, perhaps the break-proof, plastic bottle that it comes in or its $13 price tag for an entire handle will do the trick. Ruby is perfect for those looking for a night of shame, moments of forgetfulness, and probably one of the worst hangovers ever the next morning.
Most students arrive at BC and after attending a few Mod parties, they soon falsely believe that Ruby is the alcohol of choice on campus. Let’s be honest here, there’s only one reason it’s served in Mods: it’s cheap. Students quickly fall for the mask of artificial flavoring that covers up the fact that they may be drinking nail polish remover. They often go (stumble) through their early college years thinking Ruby is the preferred choice of BC students, while it sneakily burns their stomach lining and possibly destroys their taste buds.
As we progress through the years at BC, we soon begin to realize how absolutely terrible Rubinoff is. It’s as if we all collectively wake up on a Saturday morning from a horrific, Ruby hangover and wonder why we ever drank it in the first place. We attend parties where we hear outbursts of “who drinks Rubinoff anymore?” and “I rather be sober than drink that!” which are accompanied by faces of true horror at the idea of drinking the poisonous concoction that is Ruby. Our pure loathe for Ruby becomes so strong that we even opt to drink refreshing Natural (which nothing ‘natural’ about it) Light as an alternative. In short, we become so desperate to not drink Ruby that we settle for a beer that tastes like it’s about 80% water. It’s an all-time low.
BC students may have one of the biggest love-hate relationships with Rubinoff. For the majority of students, our limited understanding that alcohol is something to be enjoyed casually rather than miserably as a torture method hinders our view about Ruby. But as we mature and develop a more refined taste (“refined”: upgrading from boxed wine to an actual bottle) of alcohol in general, we begin to realize that the cheap price tag and flavors of Rubinoff cannot hide the truth of how bottom-shelf it really is. As a senior, all it takes is one look at Ruby for my stomach to turn. I’m all about cheap drinks, I am a broke college student after all, but hand me a shot of Rubinoff and once the freshman year memories (nightmare) quickly come back to me, I’ll be running in the other direction…
Sources:
http://www.liquors44.com/VODKA/RUBINOFF175.JPG
http://www.rantlifestyle.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/GIF-Hungover.gif
http://www.ryanspierce.com/site/assets/files/1012/bacarocine.gif