Disclaimer:
Some people say that you can’t have it all. Stop, and ignore those idiots. They have it all wrong. You can have it all from the career to the relationship with Mr. Soon-To-Be-Husband. Just listen to these few steps, and you can have the perfect life too.
1. Never get any sleep.
Who needs sleep nowadays? Between your job, classes, friends, and your perfect boyfriend, you will be far too busy to even put your head down for a minute. Instead, consume anything with caffeine in it because it pretty much will be your life force. (Just to make sure that you don’t get any stains on your teeth, make sure to carry bleach strips everywhere with you, and apply them several times a day).
2. Be motivated because giving up is not an option.
You have to get everything done no matter what it is if you want everything to be perfect. Never put off anything like essays, having lunch with a friend, or spending time with your boyfriend. You live your life for others and to make others happy. Keep going because everyone is counting on you. No pressure or anything.
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3. Never be selfish, especially when it comes to your job and your boyfriend.
Relationships are not about equal partnership. They are always about you giving and the other part taking. Your relationship with your job should be one in which you work without expecting to get any respect or compensation for your hard work. The same applies to your boyfriend. Expect to give up yourself entirely to him because that is what it means to be a good girlfriend. Why should you care about whether you are happy? The happiness of others should be the only thing that counts.
4. Be happy all the time.
No one likes a Debbie-Downer. Keep a smile on your face because you do not want people to worry about you. It is your job to worry about others, not the other way around, you silly. So if the world seems to be crashing down around you (which it shouldn’t be if you listened to my previous steps), do it with a smile even if you want to kill somebody. Just remember, when you’re smiling, the whole world smiles too.
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5. Read Her Campus BC.
This should be your only source of information because we only publish articles that tell you how to be an extreme feminist and a submissive female. Since there are no other subjects for girls to talk about, we stick to them. College girls have no interest in movies, food, or politics, so why attempt to talk about them?
Follow these easy steps, and you too can have everything. People will wonder in awe of your magical ability to be both at the same time. When they ask what’s your secret, just let them know that this article contains all the advice you will ever need.
HAPPY APRIL FOOL’S DAY!!!!
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