I’ll be completely honest here – I love the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. I think it is a great excuse to spend a night stuffing your face with cookies, while you and all your friends swear you’re going to start your diets tomorrow. That being said, there are some things I really cannot stand about the show. Here we go:
- The inevitable rush of girls that will be at the Plex for the next week.
- The incessant Facebook statuses.
- The Facebook event invites, such as “VS FASHION SHOW VIEWING PARTY ’12!!!!” Sure, I’ll attend. Is it BYOSL? (Bring Your Own Self Loathing).
- Justin Bieber, Bruno Mars and Rihanna. I mean, come on, really?
- JBiebs’ silver gloves. Yum. Ps. Aren’t your fingers cold? Brr.
- That moment when my 5’ 4” stature now makes me feel like an ant.
- The fact that I will now, without a doubt, try to start wearing heels. (Spoiler alert: this will probably result in a broken ankle or two.)
- The deep sadness I feel when someone reminds me the Angels will never be able to enjoy any of the food I am eating. Don’t worry, friends, I can eat enough for all of us.
- When I have to do some self-affirmations. (“These sweat pants look great! Man, I’m glad I didn’t wash the spilled coffee off my sweatshirt today – it looks so unique! Snuggies are totally sexy.”)
- That friend. You know the one. “That model is sooooo not even that pretty. I’m definitely prettier than her, right?!” Uh huh… you bet…
- Professors, in fact, do not accept “I did not do my homework because I was busy watching the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show” as a valid excuse. Whatever.
- What exactly was Rihanna wearing…? In case you didn’t notice, she only had one earring in. And it really bothered me. Throughout the entire performance.
- Hey Biebs, awesome puffy white vest. I bet that’s why all the preteen ladies love you.
- When the models describe what they look for in a man. Just stop.
- Some of the “outfits” scared me.
- How heavy are those wings?
- I fell asleep during Bruno. So, there’s that.
- Getting unnecessarily aggressive with my guy friends. “You think she’s so pretty, huh? Well, you’re no Tom Brady, either!”
- Wait, I can walk like a model, too! (Proceeds to trip and fall, crushing not only all those in the surrounding area, but also any glimmer of hopes and dreams.)
- When you notice you own something one of the models is wearing, and then your mind immediately starts playing “Who wore it better?” Hint: Not you…
- Seriously, though, who needs cleavage? I have a great personality.
- Subconsciously practicing my smize… and deciding that I rocked it. Thanks, Tyra, every single episode of America’s Next Top Model, and years of practice.
- $2.5 million for a bra? That’s casual, I guess. Paying off college loans is overrated, anyways.
- When the models make an ugly face and I think “I should Snapchat a face like that!” but then I realize I can’t pull it off. And then the Snapchat scares all my friends.
- Have I mentioned Justin Bieber yet?
So, there we have it. Am I impressed by Victoria’s Secret’s ability to transform any body, debatably even that of a twelve-year-old boy’s, into a show stopping bombshell? Of course. Would I give a limb to be an Angel? Probably. (Side note: I most definitely would not give up the cookies/ donuts/ chocolate I am eating as I write this. Priorities, ladies.) However, do I hate Justin Bieber even more? Yes, yes I do. Do I love complaining above all else? Well, duh. That’s just the way it is. I hope you thoroughly enjoyed my rant, and remember, there’s nothing wrong with wallowing in self-pity and froyo for a few days. Happens to the best of us.
Photo Sources:
http://www.zimbio.com/photos/Bruno+Mars/2012+Victoria+Secret+Fashion+Show+Runway/lue-trTvDE8
http://www.fabuloussavings.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/Tyra-Smizing.jpg
http://cdn.medleymag.com/upload/2012/11/Bieber-Victoria-Secret-Models.jpg
http://www4.pictures.zimbio.com/bg/2012+Victoria+Secret+Fashion+Show+Performance+bxDeTOpAbaRl.jpg