“AHHHHHHH! He texted me!!!! What do I do? What do I say?” I exclaimed to my best friend, one average Wednesday afternoon, in high school.
“Whatever you do, don’t answer him immediately! You need to multiply the time it took him to answer by two and then answer him.”
In case you’re not already thinking it: I was completely clueless in high school. I was so clueless that I listened to the most ridiculous dating advice anyone told me. In retrospect I realize some of the things I’ve heard are just so absurd that I have to share it with you:
1. Never answer him at a specific time
What the f***? Who checks their clock before they answer a text? Seriously? I have to make sure all of my texts go out at someone 7:34 and not 7:30? Who has time for that? That’s just exhausting! To begin with, I don’t really check what time someone texts me, unless it’s in the wee hours of the morning. So ask yourself this, why would he? Throw this useless piece of advice out the window. All it will do is add unnecessary stress to your life.
2. Make him always wonder whether you like him or not
Why would you ever do this to anyone? I mean hey, I get it; no one likes a ‘stage five clinger.’ But no one likes a tease either. Be yourself around him, there’s no need to mask your feelings. In other words don’t ice him out for a week and then be all ‘lovey dovey’ with him at your friend’s pregame. Warning: I do not mean that you have to profess your love for someone you just met. Just be real!
3. Never correct him because it’s emasculating
Okay, you shouldn’t correct anyone’s grammar in general because it’s really annoying. Seriously, no one likes that. But if he does something that really bothers you, you should say something! Obviously be careful with your tone and the way you go about telling him, but you should still bring it up. And if he can’t take it or isn’t willing to compromise, maybe he’s not the right one for you.
4. Flirt with his best friend
If you’re already talking to the guy, don’t go ahead and flirt with his best friend. You just put everyone in an awkward position. His best friend knows the two of you are seeing each other; don’t make him feel awkward too! And then it would just piss off your guy. Could you imagine if the guy you’re seeing starts flirting with your best friend? “WTF” is right.
5. Only order a salad on the first date
They say he’ll think you’re so fit if you only eat a salad on your first date. But salad is actually really hard to eat. Just try and name a time when you ate salad and didn’t get spinach stuck between your two front teeth. You can’t, can you? And maybe this is just me, but I don’t think there’s ever been a time I’ve said “OMG THAT SALAD LOOKS DELICOUS LET ME TRY IT!”
6. Assume he doesn’t like you if he doesn’t kiss you on the first date
Just because he doesn’t kiss you on the first date that does NOT mean he’s not interested. Maybe he’s too shy to do it or he thinks that you might not be into it. So don’t panic! (Also, maybe he’s waiting to make it even better later, or he respects you and wants to be sure that’s what you want him to do.)
7. If he doesn’t pay, it means he’s not that into you
This is so unbelievably false it’s not even funny! Always keep in mind that not everyone is raised with the same values and luxuries. So if he doesn’t foot the bill, it doesn’t mean he isn’t interested in you.
8. Wait three days before calling or texting him
This is the most outdated rule in the book. Honesty, we live in a world where there is constant access to technology. If you don’t text him until three days later, he might think you’re not even interested.
9. The best way to get over someone is to get under someone
FALSE! When has this tip actually worked out ANYONE? Never. It always ends up making things worse and more importantly, it can actually make you feel worse. It’s better to just take the words of Rory Gilmore and wallow. Then, get back on that horse! LOL
10. Never go to his house unless you’re explicitly dating
In college probably half of my time is spent at either my house or my friends’ houses. Because what else is there to do with all of this newfound “free time,” besides hangout and do nothing? If he’s texting you at 3 am to go hangout at his house, yeah probably don’t go—but that’s an entirely different story. If he just wants to hangout and watch Scandal with you, why not? I can assure you he won’t think any less of you for doing so.
I hope I’ve made my point about how ridiculous some of these rules can be. So stress less and throw that stupid metaphorical rulebook out the window!
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