Last week, my boyfriend and I decided to go on a “break.” We will not be speaking again until the end of next month, and we have both agreed that we will not be seeing other people. Even now, as I am writing this, I’m in shock. It was truly the last thing I had thought to expect when waking up Easter morning. One day he told me he loved me, the very next, he told me he wasn’t sure anymore.
In this moment, if you asked me whether or not I think we will end up together, I’d say that I really, truly don’t know. So much has happened to make me think that we might, that is the apparent “goal” of the whole affair after all. At the same time, though, I can still think of reasons why it might turn out otherwise. And therein lies the problem—I am in relationship limbo. I have no idea whether this is just a bump in the road, or if it means I need to start moving on with my life. Can I still look forward to the future we planned together, or has it all vanished from my fingertips? I simply have no way of knowing, at least not until we check in in 4 weeks.
If your situation is anything like mine (which, if you’re reading this, I imagine it is), then my heart goes out to you. And while I can’t wave a magic wand and make your pain go away, I can give you a few bits of wisdom I’ve picked up from my experience thus far.
1. It’s Okay to Cry
Without any warning, your best friend has up and disappeared from your life. That’s not an easy thing. If all of a sudden you’re feeling choked up, it’s okay to let it out. You care about your relationship, and having everything up in the air is a scary thing. Just make sure your tissues are nice and soft, chapped noses are the worst.
2. Look to Your Relationship, Not Your Partner
I often find myself wondering where my boyfriend is at in all this. Sometimes, I think that, maybe, he misses me just as much as I miss him. Maybe this whole experience will show him how meaningful our relationship really is, and when this all finally ends, we’ll be even stronger. Other times though, I wonder if he’s relieved. Maybe I was a horrible burden on him, and maybe he’s finally starting to feel happy because I’m out of the picture. The truth of the matter is, I can go back and forth on this as much as I want, but it’s not going help me. So, instead of focusing on him, I try to think about our relationship. What brought us to this point? What do we need to work on if we do stay together? Did he really make me happy? Reflecting on these questions has helped me significantly, both by granting me peace of mind and by preparing me for our talk in May. If you’re going to fixate on something, at least have it be healthy and productive instead of torturing yourself with “What if’s”. I’ve even found making a pro and con list to be pretty helpful.
But, even though it can be hard to remember, you still have a life to live, which brings me to my next point…
3.Take This as an Opportunity to Focus on Yourself
Though the future of your relationship can seem like the most important thing in your life, I can assure you it’s not. You’re wellbeing, however, is. Something important to remember (no matter what your relationship status is) is that you cannot be in a healthy, functional relationship if you, yourself, are not a healthy, functional individual. It’s not a bad thing to spend time thinking about your relationship, it’s natural, but you can’t only do that. Try yoga, get ahead on your schoolwork, hit up your friends, call your mom, try a new restaurant, grab a coffee with someone new. Feel like staying in and moping instead? Then you need to get out even more! I can honestly say I’ve made way more progress on myself as an individual in this one week than I have in a long, long time. Not only do I have a much more positive outlook on life, I’ve also begun developing new friendships and have even adopted a regular exercise routine. Get out of your comfort zone, it might do you some good :)
4.Don’t Expect the Worst, But Be Prepared for It.
Like I said, I have no idea what will happen. While I’m not just going to assume the worst, I do have the opportunity to prepare myself for it. That’s something most people don’t get. It’s not going to be easy, but it’s important to learn to accept the possibility that this could be the end. And if it is…well that kind of sucks. You genuinely believed that they were your forever. But, that doesn’t mean you will never find love of happiness again. There’s a whole world of people out there that you haven’t met yet, you just have to be patient enough for your prince charming to make their entrance.
5. Don’t Let It Go on Forever
Many factors can contribute to a “break”, so naturally, it takes time to figure out what direction you and your partner want to head in. Give a reasonable amount of time to think things through, but don’t let it get out of control. It’s one thing if two of you need time need time to overcome your own issues, it’s another thing if it’s taking months to even figure out if they want to be with you. They either do or they don’t. If after about a month or so they are still giving you wishy-washy answers as to whether or not they see a future with you, then it’s probably not going to happen. Grab your phone, download Tinder, and get on with your life.
Best of luck, ladies. Now time to hunker down and take on finals!