Question: My boyfriend and I started going out about a month ago and he gets jealous whenever I talk to one of my guy friends from home and has even asked me to talk to him less. I really hate it because I really value my friendship with him and I don’t think that it’s negatively affecting ours. What can I do to make him stop acting like this?
-Aggravated Annie
Answer: The first thing you need to know is that it is normal for your guy to get jealous, even if it is a platonic friend in your life. The bottom line is that your friend is a male and he will make your boyfriend feel insecure because this friend has obviously known you longer and therefore may have a more intimate relationship with you. On the other hand, your boyfriend should not try to tell you who you can or cannot be friends with.
Keeping this in mind, sit down one-on-one with him and talk to him rationally. Stress that you have no romantic feelings for this friend and that you really want this relationship to work. However, be firm when you tell him that you plan to keep being friends with this guy because you are doing nothing wrong.If your boyfriend can’t accept this then he’s not a guy you want to be with.
Question: Is there an expectation for guys to pay on the first date? I’ve been out with some girls and I never seem to know where they fall on the spectrum of “damsel-in-distress” to “total woman’s equality.” I don’t want to offend them so I’m often left confused when the check comes. What is the best solution to help me when trying to decide, to pay or not to pay?
-Confused Charlie
Answer: The answer to this question really does vary by girl. As you said, there are some girls who are more, shall we say, old fashioned and then there are girls who believe everything should be split down to the last penny. Therefore, it’s easy to see where your confusion comes from. I’ll say that the general rule of thumb is that on the first date the guy is expected to pay. Even with more modern girls, we want to feel that we are special to you and that you enjoy getting to take us out and spend time with us.
After the first date, however, most girls will offer to split the bill or even pay the full thing. You may even work out a system where you alternate on who pays. The best thing to know is just to avoid telling the girl to pay for something (even if you try to do it sneakily with a phrase like, “Since you’re paying for dinner, I’ll pay for ice cream.”) This will do nothing but get you into trouble that you don’t need. Just wait for her to offer and then accept. This way you can keep from going broke without ruining your chivalrous persona. And just remember that if you really like the girl, then any amount of money you spend will be worth it.