Something that is always hard for me at the end of the year is reflecting on the past year. While I love looking at the highlights or “ups”, I always end up getting plagued by the negatives or “downs”. I have also had trouble truly committing to growth in the new year.
I have always found the new year to be a funny thing. I would tell myself that in the new year, I’d become a whole new person. I would be a happier, more motivated, and more self-assured version of myself. Somehow the idea of the digit changing in years feels like a conduit to change. With that said, it also feels like just a day. December 31st happens, we say “Happy New Year!”, then it’s January 1st, and life goes on. Suddenly, all those goals don’t feel necessary because who cares, it’s just another day.
2021 was both kind and harsh to me. I was blessed to be able to finish off my senior year right, graduate from high school, travel, and do an in-person first semester in college. I also had many downs in my personal life and mental state. This wasn’t the best year in the world either with the looming doom of COVID-19.
Something that has always been my biggest weakness is how hard I am on myself. I never allow myself to fully enjoy something because there is this expectation I put on myself and a voice saying you could be better, or you wouldn’t have made that mistake if you had just thought that through. I call myself a hypocrite because I tell everyone “Nobody’s perfect,” yet I hold myself to that standard. It’s mentally draining and it is a hard way to live.
This all leads back to my ultimate New Year’s resolution: To get great grades, earn more money, be successful, and have fun in my second semester. Most of all, I want to be less hard on myself. I want to be able to make mistakes and not let them linger in my mind for days, weeks, or even months after. I want to not be so hard on myself and let myself LIVE. I want to let loose and grow. There is so much I want for myself professionally, but even more mentally. I want to be okay in my own skin and not be so judgemental and harsh on myself.
I urge you all to do the same. Be kind to yourself. You can’t grow as a person if you don’t make mistakes. Let go of the things that are holding you back, and take a deep breath as you look forward. Let 2021, 2020, and all those years go because they are in the past. I think we can all agree that these last few years have been hard. However, there are so many better things in the future.
If you don’t hit every single resolution on your list, don’t fret. Live every day on your terms and as wholeheartedly as you can. It is my hope that I, and all of you, can live a fulfilled year, no matter what happens.