Whether or not you’ve ever been in a relationship, you’ve probably felt the tingly feeling when you really like someone. Sometimes, that feeling is reciprocated and sometimes it’s not. When it is, people tend to get hopeful and may start to date. After some time, you may realize that you’re not on the same page, you have completely different schedules, you’re not ready for a relationship, or you just don’t have the same feelings that you once did.
I was the one to break up with someone, and it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. It’s difficult to express your feelings and that you really did appreciate the relationship and everything you did together. Some people take break-ups (whether the actual process or the aftermath) very well. Others will have a much more difficult time.
Here are some feelings you may have after breaking up with someone:
Was this a mistake?
The first couple of days, or even weeks might be hard. If it was a short relationship, you may feel even worse. Did I give it enough time? What was I thinking? All of these thoughts will run through your head. Sometimes, you just have to trust yourself and your decisions. Especially if you had been thinking about it for awhile. You might have let your negative feelings overcome the positive ones. But if you have a gut feeling, you should trust your gut.
Were my reasons for breaking up with them stupid?
Sometimes there is a very clear reason. For me, there was no obvious reason. Everything seemed to be going great. Sometimes, it can be a cloudy answer. You just weren’t right for one another.
Why am I upset?
I was the one who wanted this, right? It seems like no matter what kind of relationship you’re in, you will come to a point where something happens, or you grow apart. Losing someone in your life is so difficult, even if you’re the one who initiated it.
I should call them…
No you shouldn’t. If he wants to talk to you, that’s his choice. You were the one to end things and they deserve the respect of not having you confuse their feelings even more. If you reach out, they may become hopeful and think you’ve changed your mind. Even if you think you have changed your mind, you still need to be respectful and clearly think everything through before contacting them. I can say from experience, this is much easier said then done.
You’ll think about all the good times you had with them
It’s hard when you lose someone you care about. Whether or not you can admit it, they had a special place in your life and your heart. You’ll only want to think about the good memories with them and wonder about the possibilities instead of thinking of what was best for the relationship and why you made your decision.
And then of course there is the fact that you’ll see them around campus (if they go to Bentley).
Not everything has to be awkward. If you are the one who broke up with them, definitely say hi and smile, but don’t make it awkward for the other person by looking away or hiding behind your friends. And if you are the one who got broken up with, it’s really up to you. It depends if the relationship ended on good or bad terms. If you want to talk to them and you feel ready, then that’s a good choice for you. If you still feel uncomfortable, or still really like them, it’s totally normal to want your space. Either way moving on is the best thing you can do. Taking a little time for yourself may be just what you need.
What’s even worse is when you have so much in common with them.
It makes you feel terrible. They gave you gifts and remembered the little things about you. They understood your weird obsessions. They always were willing to try new things with you. All of the great moments you share will make your mind spin even more.
Sometimes you will feel like if you had just put a little bit more effort into the relationship…
You can’t regret what happened in the past. You obviously made this decision for a reason, even if after you made the decision you felt terrible. Always remember that you learn and grow from decisions and mistakes you’ve made. Your head is probably filled with the ‘what ifs’. Sometimes it is just bad timing. You can’t blame the downfall of your relationship on all the ‘what ifs’ and ‘what could have beens’ so you just have to use it as a lesson learned and see how your life gets better from there.
When they ghost you…
One of the worst feelings in the world is seeing the person that you were once with and having them ignore you. You get in your head and start to think there’s something wrong with you. Pretty soon, their friends don’t say hi to you anymore and you feel more alone and distant than ever before. It can be so incredibly difficult to deal with someone ghosting you. Not being able to talk to the person about how you’re feeling can be so hard. When in doubt, lean on your friends and family for help. Ghosting can be incredibly uncomfortable for both people involved, but sometimes it may be what one person needs to move on.
When he is literally the nicest guy in the world, and yet you just don’t feel it.
Always remember: sometimes, it’s just not meant to be. Maybe it wasn’t the right timing, or maybe you were on different paths. Whatever the reason, everything does happen for a reason. If it is meant to be, it will be.
Image: 1