“Never apologize for the space you occupy in this world.” – Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
Over the last couple of weeks this topic has continually come into my mind and has forced me to re-think how I have valued the familiar soul that looks back at me in the mirror. What initially brought this on is not really worth mentioning because that toxic door is closed; truly, what the door held was much more unhealthy than the “desire” to be (superficially) “irresistible”.
I have never been a “small” girl. I have always been aware of the shape of my hips, my arms, my cheeks, my thighs. They have grown. They have shrunk. They’ve grown again. These elements of my body have been present my entire life; they aren’t really going anywhere, either.
The world I live in has characterized the body I was so graciously and genetically blessed with – as well as the wonderful bodies of men and women all over the world – as disgusting, repulsive, utterly unattractive, and shameful all simply because they do not meet or excel certain ludicrous standards of beauty. As a result of how my body naturally is, I’m left at an annoying disadvantage in life when it comes to looking for professional opportunities, connections, dating, etc. What’s even more annoying is that I’ve known this since the early years of grade school and have had to deal with the conditioned “reality” of others around me.
I have grown up resenting mirrors. I long for the day when I do not look in that dreaded slab of reflective glass and grab the extra skin around my hips, pinch it and move it to the side praying and wishing with all of my being that it would be gone. I pray the day comes when my heart does not agonize over not fitting into the shallow mold of a wonderful man’s “dream woman.” I wish that I did not feel such shame and complete hatred towards myself when I am told losing a certain amount of weight would solve all of my problems. Most importantly, I look forward to the day I will be able to whole-heartedly look at myself in that mirror and not want to shove my fist through the glass. Instead, I will see someone beautiful, someone more than worthy of a happy life.
Now, how absolutely messed up is it that someone has to go their entire life with those sentiments clinging to their soul all because a group of people decided that there had to be a standard? If someone brave enough rejects this image of “perfection,” they end up having to negate what is known to be “true.” That brave soul is actually fighting a war with this body image-obsessed society that reinforce expectations of what is and is not attractive. This needs to end, and it needs to end now.
Don’t get me wrong, losing ‘x’ pounds is great and all, especially if you’re doing it for yourself or for health reasons, but for looks? Oh no. Striving for good mental health and self-acceptance is a priority. These are crucial to possessing true confidence and achieving any kind of long-term happiness with not just yourself, but the people around you (now and in the future).
Even the people that are catergorized as “thin,” don’t see themselves as beautiful because they haven’t dealt with their own inner demons. (Now, don’t think I’m skinny-shaming because that’s not my goal. All I’ve been familiar with is the other side of this topic and that’s why I’m writing on it.)
The overall goal is to accept yourself, including all of your society-created “flaws.” Just love yourself. Be confident in who you are, how you look, and take the time to celebrate the beauty inside of everyone.
With all my love,
Jasmine