Winter Break resembles the light at the end of the tunnel after a long, hard fall semester. For most college students, this break means a reprieve from classes, homework, essays and tests as well as a chance to binge on Marvel’s Jessica Jones and eat home cooked meals without feeling guilty.
Obviously, this break also meant we were away from Berry College, our “home away from home.” Some of us were thrown back into the home we knew before college, which at worst might have brought up some unfortunate high school memories. Others, however, might have been subject to upsetting, unenjoyable, and sometimes downright toxic situations. The reality is: Many people didn’t look forward to the holiday break like they were “supposed” to because of troubling home lives beyond their control.
In college you meet people who talk about how close they are with their parents and how much they enjoy spending time with and confiding in them. Of course, it can’t be assumed that their home lives are perfect—nobody is that lucky—but to someone whose home life is far from pleasant, it’s difficult to hear or understand these things.
Someone who lives in a less than supportive or damaging home environment constantly faces negativity from inner and outer sources. Their parents don’t support them mentally and verbally abuse them (though they claim to do so unknowingly), hobbies and mannerisms are mocked, and emotions are disregarded. No one in the household appears to truly listen, resulting in intense isolation. This then causes negative thoughts that could lead to serious depression. In short, instead of home being a safe and comforting place, it turns into a place full of fear and sadness.
The ideal family is over-exaggerated and –emphasized during the period leading up to Winter Break. That combined with the constant pressure to be happy once finals are finished and excited at the thought of going home can cause those who find themselves unable to share in this excitement to feel isolated. Since these students can’t openly identify with their peers, they think they cannot confide in anyone about their situation. Ultimately, this results in cycle of negative feelings and overall dread. Many try to hide such feelings to prevent themselves from “ruining” the holidays for others. A snowball effect leads to added misery and makes the situation all the more harmful.
If you found yourself dreading Winter Break, please believe me when I tell you that you were not alone. No matter how terrible your family made or makes you feel, you do not deserve to feel this way. Remember, you have a much better family—the one you’ve established here at Berry. The next time you find yourself feeling upset at something your parents said to you, or you dread going home for the next break, don’t hesitate to reach out to a friend, resident assistant, or first-year mentor for comfort. If you feel truly threatened, contact a family member or other adult figure you trust. There’s also the Counseling Center in the Ladd Center that you can go to if you need to talk, who can then point you to other official resources if you’re really worried or scared at home.
If you’re a friend of someone who feels this way and they reach out to you for comfort or help, remain open to what they need. This can include and isn’t limited to being simply a venting buddy or providing a couch to crash on for part of the break. Sometimes the little things mean the most. If you’re extremely concerned for you friend and feel like they need more help, accompany them to the Counseling Center or help them set up an appointment so they can get the aid they need to feel secure and happy.