We’ve all heard it, that omnipresent “When Harry Met Sally” philosophy that claims men and women can never stay just friends. While I can practically hear my suitemate launching into her passionate tirade about why a guy and a girl can stay as happy as two little platonic clams, I think it’s time to face the truth. Opposite sex friendships often don’t stay friendships for long.
Most of us have been there. You become friends with a guy in your building or extended circle and at first, totally don’t think of him that way. Before you know it though, that strange and altering vortex that is college time changes things. You, or he, or both of you start to see each other in a different light, and suddenly, you find yourself in that daunting territory between friends and something more.
But is a new relationship born out of a solid friendship really all that ominous? When you think about it, there are some great perks that can come along with dating a guy you have been friends with for a while.
Exit Nausea-Factor
We’ve all been there. It’s Saturday night, and the cute guy who bought you a vodka cran at the bar last weekend hasn’t so much as texted. You don’t get it. He’s in your Brit Lit class. You had a hysterical conversation about 90s Nickelodeon. He was funny, adorable and you had so much to talk about… when you were 3 shots in.
Suddenly, the dark cloud of hindsight sets in. You feel nauseated and dumb. You thought he liked you. Helplessly, you reach for your Love Actually DVD and resign yourself to a night of wallowing with a healthy dose of Hugh Grant, the one guy that never lets you down.
Switch gears to when the guy in your life is not another 2 a.m rendezvous but instead a friend –turned- love interest, and chances are you won’t have to deal with this sloppy stage of self-loathing. At this point, you’re well past the awkward stage, you’re fully comfortable with each other, and your common interests go far beyond Friday night’s open bar and “Rocko’s Modern Life”. He genuinely likes you as a person, being that he chose to hang out with you many times, completely sober, long before hooking up was ever in the picture. Finally, you can forget the melodrama of waiting by your phone for that ambiguous late night text because you have someone you can trust to exist Monday through Friday, as well as on the weekends.
He’s Seen your Freak Flag, and Prefers that you Fly it
When it comes to longtime friends, letting your guard down is a given. He probably knows that you eat ice cream with a fork, has heard your spot-on impersonation of Snooki from Jersey Shore, and seen you many times in your beloved and oh-so-flattering extra large sweats from senior year. Gone is the anxiety, that all too familiar need to impress the person you are with. He knows all about the quirks you try to hide from the rest of the world, and he likes you anyway, probably more, because of them.
No Ugly Surprises
Friends are the people with whom we are able to be our truest selves. So when you’re with him, there is a huge sense of that naturalness and safety. He has earned the honor of being your friend, so you know that he is a person who respects you and will treat you right. You’ve also already spent so much time with him that you’re fully confident he is neither a creeper, and/ or potential psycho. Win and win.
Relationships aside, friendship remains one of the most meaningful bonds you can share with a person. While I’m not saying that going out with a friend is always an easy transition or that it lacks the complications that plague any specific relationship, the way I see it, there is something wonderful about liking someone you have known from the start on a deeper level.
Some may look down on the friendship-turned-romance, saying it lacks the spark and excitement of more star-crossed chance encounters. To those naysayers, I quote Lane Leonard, from the classic kid-flick Snow Day, which is proof not only that Nickelodeon has had way too much of an influence over my life, but also that sometimes we need to stop waiting for life to transform into an unrealistic romantic comedy and open our eyes to the great possibilities right in front of us:
“Love isn’t about fate and magic bracelets and destiny. It’s about finding someone you can stand to be around for 10 minutes at a time.”