How to Still Be Your Own Person in a Long-Term Relationship

I’ve been with my boyfriend for over three years. While he is amazing and perfect in every way, after about a year and a half I started to question who I was becoming. Being with him had absorbed me in every way, and I started to forget who I was before him. I didn’t want to leave him because this was not his fault; instead, I started to think of how I could get my old self back while still being the best girlfriend I could be. It took a little bit of self discovery, but I think I finally figured it out:

1. Do more of what YOU love

Make time for yourself. Cuddle up with a new book, watch your favorite TV show or movie, or take a long bath and drink some wine. Time for yourself is just as important as your time together.

2. Just because you’re together, doesn’t mean you have to be together.

He does not have to follow you wherever you go. He is not your personal paparazzi and vice versa. I got sick and tired of people saying, “Are you and *insert BF* coming tonight?”, or “What is *BF* up to?” I DON’T KNOW! Why don’t you ask him!? While we are together, we do not have to be sewn to each other and spend every single second together.

3. It’s okay to have different friends!

While I love his friends for being there for him when I can’t and I enjoy spending time with them, I am too social to be tied down to the same group of people. Just because BF’s BFF is throwing a banger tonight doesn’t mean I’m going! I have a date with Harry Potter and my roommates.

4. Learn to trust

This may go hand in hand with having different friends. If you feel the need to hover all the time because you are worried he is going to do something he’ll regret, say goodbye! If him cheating is the only thing on your mind, you’re going to be too occupied with making sure he stays, which will eventually make you lose yourself. Trusting him when he says he loves you and only wants to be with you will let you have more time to worry about things that actually matter – like what is going to happen in season 2 of Riverdale.

5. It’s okay to have different beliefs

Just because BF believes in something doesn’t mean you have to! Couples are allowed to disagree on certain things, as long as the disagreements don’t turn violent. Having an intellectual debate on current events or politics is actually very stimulating and can help you see both sides of something you don’t even want to look at.

6. Just because you have a BF in college doesn’t mean you’re missing out.

Join the clubs you’ve been interested in, go to the parties you heard about in the library, knock on the persons door next to you, because you never know what you’re going to learn or who you’re going to meet or the memories you’re about to make. If you feel like you can’t do these things because you’ll miss out on time with him, take a step back and realize that you will never have an experience like this again. It is important to make the most of what you have while you can.