Somehow, I’ve managed to live through the first three weeks of my senior year of college. I’ve had a few existential crises, minor meltdowns, major meltdowns, and plenty of good times already. Most of my crisis moments were brought on by the sheer uncertainty about anything I’m doing.
My last first day of school came with tears, as I woke up in the middle of the night and realized I will likely never have that “first day of school” feeling again. And then I started googling grad school opportunities at 3 AM because that’s when it all hit me–I’ll never have that “yeah, I got a new backpack, it’s pretty cool” feeling again. That “I wonder if any cute guys will be in my classes” feeling. Those “oh my god, what if I don’t have friends in any classes?” nerves. I may never have to take a test or pop quiz again after this year, and I don’t know how to feel about it. 22 years in my life, and school has taken up just about 18 of those years. That night, I kinda felt like I didn’t know anything else other than homework and papers and exams.
The thing is, I didn’t realize just how much school had taught me, other than papers and exams. It taught me how to make friends. How to have time management. How to hold myself accountable for anything I may do. To see the best in people. To bullshit a paper. To understand that somethings and some people just can’t be fixed. To know that cookies will turn any day around. To, when in doubt, take a nap. That exercise is a cure-all. That not everything or everyone needs my opinion. And so much more.
I don’t know what I’ll learn in the next chapter after school, but I’m now excited to find out. It took those few minor freak-outs (and writitng this article) to show me that I can take on anything—even this incredible uncertainty.
I have no clue where I’m headed this year, or after this year, but I’ll make it. Someway, somehow, I know I’ll make it.