Hercampus Diaries: On Floormates and Being the “Frumpy Friend”

Dear Her Campus Diaries,
 
 Q: I have a floor mate who likes me as more than a friend. The issue is that I only see him as a friend. How do I tell him this without affecting our friendship negatively?
 
A: I know this situation can be really awkward, especially with him living on your floor. However, sooner is better than later, so I am glad you are trying to resolve the issue now. I think the best way to tell him that you are not attracted to him in the same way he is to you starts by doing it face-to-face. This can be nerve wrecking, but he will respect you more for it later. Depending on the kind of guy he is, he may not take it well, but telling him upfront you “only want to be friends” take you out of the red zone. Now, it’s up to him to deal with it and move on. The only other suggestion that can make this ordeal less serious than it has to be is consider his feelings—meaning Do NOT confront him around other people. Do not make the situation become a public one. Also, give him eye contact to show you are confident in what you are saying and not intimidated to let you know how you feel. I hope this helps!

 
Q: Are guys really able not to care about the person they hooked up with the night before?
 
A: These situations can be very tricky, especially if the person you hooked up with is someone you do not talk to on a daily basis. However, sometimes it may be easier to hook up with someone you don’t know. Here is the key point: if you go into a hook-up session with your feelings on your sleeve, you are risking getting your feelings hurt. Like I have always been told, do not expect to go to the club or a party expecting to find a boyfriend or even someone to date seriously because it’s a hook up atmosphere. Most people go to these kinds of environments to just have a good time. I am not saying that sparks cannot come out of meeting someone at a party. However, you should not be too vulnerable and expect someone is going to feel the same way about you. So yes, have fun, but do not mix that up with the intention of “I am going to find my soul mate at these parties.” But hey, sometimes the unexpected leads to the best relationships. However, just don’t look for it. Let it happen, for what is meant to happen will happen.

 Q: I feel pressure to dress up everyday because my roommate is always dressed really nicely and receives multiple compliments whenever we go out together while I receive none in just my plain t-shirt and jeans. I know that I shouldn’t care about what other people think or compare myself to my roommate but I would like a compliment every once in a while too even if I don’t have on tons of makeup and a dress. What should I do or what can I do to make myself feel better about this? -Frumpy Friend
 
A: Dear Frumpy Friend, 

     Are you a person that likes to dress from time to time? If so, maybe make the extra effort to do it once in a while—not just in order to receive compliments but for yourself. Sometimes, dressing up makes you feel like you are at your best (that’s if you are that kind of person). However if you are a t-shirt and jeans girl, flaunt it. I know it’s hard to dress up everyday when you are busy trying to get to class and accomplish everything else as a college student. You can even spice up your chill outfits with simple things like a matching accessories, jewelry, or even doing your hair in a cute way—something that stands out from the jeans and t-shirt. However, I honestly think that if you don’t like dressing up, allow your personality to spice up your relaxed look. Put some more pep into your step. People can sense when you are feeling down or insecure about how you are looking. So whatever outfit fits you, allow that to be secondary to how you carry yourself. Even if you dressed up, does not mean you would receive compliments necessarily. It is all in how you walk the walk. Trust me, you can get compliments with jeans and a t-shirt if you try adding a little flava to it. Starting with a smile, maybe even a graphic tee from time to time that brings attention (one that fits your personality of course!).

 
Q: How do you alleviate the weight of personal responsibility when you take on a leadership role?
 
A: When you take on leadership roles, personal responsibilities do not go away. In fact, taking care of you should come first despite of the activities or leadership roles that you partake. I know many times our personal lives can get pushed to the side when we are trying to get everything else around us accomplished. We all know time does not stop for us even to get a drink of water. If you are having problems tending to your own responsibilities, try planning out your time/personal life in a scheduler. At least then you would have something concrete to look at throughout your day to see if you are staying on task. You have to make time for yourself. There is no way around that if you want to stay healthy and sane. Also, make sure that the leadership roles you are taking on are ones that you really feel passionate about. Sometimes we put activities on our plate that we do not have that much interest. If you really like the role, well by all means go for it. Just know that at the end of the day, satisfaction comes in knowing you are contributing in ways that are benefiting others as well as your personal happiness. It’s give and take. If you are getting behind in taking care of yourself, step back and let someone else step up to the plate. It is wise to have co-leader by your side so you are not the only one trying to do everything for whatever activity or organization you are participating. Also remember, at the end of the day, you are your best interest. You cannot lead anyone else when you are not at your best health-wise and mentally.