I know we’ve all said we have different friends for different things. And that’s actually factual! Different friend groups bring out the different a side and energy.
Let’s say you have that friend group that you often study and have book club with. They bring out that studios vibe in you, that intellectual scholar side. Now say you have those friends that you take shots with, listen to all the hot girl anthems, and twerk with. They bring out that lit, act a fool, vibe that you have inside.
Anna Y.T. Chui wrote in her article The Purpose of Friendship: The Only 4 Types Of Friends You Need In Life that there are only 4 different types of friends that everyone needs in their life. “We need the kind of friend who understands our thoughts and weaknesses; so we can feel comfortable to let down our guard and be comfortable with who we are.” That’s that friend that you can vent to, cry to, and just be vulnerable with.
The next type of friend she said was, “We also want to have fun with people who we can be silly with”. To me that’s essential because I’m a goofball. I can literally laugh at anything. I like to reenact scenes from movies and shows, and I make a lot of TikTok references. If you don’t get any of them, eh, I don’t think we could be friends. (All jokes, all jokes….Maybe.)
Chui’s next type of friend she believes everyone needs, “And we need someone’s help to clarify our minds”. That’s the friend that thinks a little more clearly and rationally than you. That person that’s able to zero you in and bring you back to square one when you feel like you’re spiraling out. She explains them as “A thinking friend who gives us constructive advice and asks us probing questions can inspire us to solve our problems and get to know ourselves better”. And I couldn’t agree with her any more.
There are friends out here who add to the chaos or feed negativity into your problems versus trying to pull you from that. If my friend calls me and says “Girl he really did it this time! He really pissed me off with this one! You know what, I’m ready to bust his windows and slash all his f****** tires! Come get me lets go!!” I’m honestly going to tell that girl NO! We are not going to stoop down to anybodies level, let alone a man boy. We are not going to jail over emotions and impulsive decisions.
You’re supposed to talk your friend back from them and give her different ways that you can help her get her anger out. “Ok cause no, how about I just come get you, we get something to eat, and we can go somewhere that you can scream, cry, and talk about everything that’s bothering you” That’s something I’d say. There’s going to be nothing coming out of her damaging his car, but more problems. Women often think in the moment of emotion and not the long haul or after fact. You can’t just bust the windows out of someone’s car and slash their tires thinking that nothings going to happen after that or come from that. There’s definitely something coming after. So, be that friend that helps your friend make conscious, smart, and legal decisions.
Lastly, Chui’s last needed friend is, “to seek collaborators to help us achieve our goals”. Those are the friends who are some what on the same business path as you or someone who has the same drive and determination as you in their goals. You want friends who want to go places in life. You want those people that you can learn from in your circle. Those who have something to bring to the table other than a tube of lipgloss and drama about somebody’s son.