Recorded just weeks after the album Faces in 2014, Balloonerism by the late singer, rapper, songwriter, and producer Mac Miller has been released about a decade after its recording. This darker album has a very experimental or psychedelic sound compared to the more mainstream work Mac Miller put out when these songs were recorded. This possibly proves that there are two sides to every coin. The short film Balloonerism, which can be streamed on Amazon Prime, compliments the psychedelic feel of the album perfectly. The following are some of my findings and takes on the album.
Tambourine Dream
We can thank Larry Fisherman (Mac Miller’s producer alias) for this whole album as he produced every song. Serving as a timestamp, this track solely features the tambourine. Many other tracks from around the same time feature the infamous tambourine, specifically on the album Faces. Larry Fisherman produced tracks on Faces such as “Friends,” “Funeral,” “Grand Finale,” “Angel Dust,” “Colors and Shapes,” and more. Josh Berg, a close friend to Mac, producer, and audio engineer, revealed on a stream soon after the release of Ballonerism that we hear the same tambourine used throughout Mac’s songs and that the tambourine even had its stand inside his recording studio. This track is the most appropriate opening to the album.
DJ’s Chord Organ
“DJ’s Chord Organ” came to life on Daniel Johnston’s chord organ that was given to Mac in 2013. A now-deleted tweet by featured artist SZA on this song says that this was the “Song that changed everything.” SZA, being very new to the scene at this point, recalls that Mac was the first person that she met and spent many days recording different samples after she moved to LA, making this a notably special track. SZA holds a massive space on this song and fits in nicely with the unique instrumentals. Lyrically there is a comparison made between a delivery driver and a drug addict. This song seems to explore the process of running with no real sense of direction chasing after highs both lyrically and musically setting the stage for the rest of the album.
Do You Have A Destination
One of my personal favorites and the last track recorded on Balloonerism, “Do You Have A Destination” appears to tip the scales of hope and hopelessness as Mac foreshadows his death caused by an overdose. Mac seems to be asking the rhetorical question “Do you have a destination?” to himself more than anything as he explores the troubles that he faces along with fame and success. Another one of Mac’s alter egos, Delusional Thomas, is featured on this track along with some others later in the album. Delusional Thomas is a darker alter ego or the devil on Mac’s shoulder that can be recognized by the higher-pitched creepy voice on tracks. One of the most prominent elements of this track is the heavy use of drums which can be heard again on the track “Stoned.” Ironically, on-brand for the psychedelic feel of Balloonerism, the lyrics in this song remind me of the track “The Question” off the 2012 album Macadelic. Coming in with some humor after exploring some true darkness, Mac speaks of his love of cereal with the lyric:
“She knows I love my cereal”
As funny as this may seem it is extremely authentic to Mac as part of the promotion for the album GO:OD AM was a release titled “Breakfast Cereal Edition,” which came with cereal, a bowl, a spoon, a placemat, and a CD. An extremely raw and authentic track, “Do You Have A Destination” paves the way for even more authenticity in the tracks to come on Balloonerism.
5 DollAR pony Rides
Still running with no sense of direction, “5 Dollar Pony Rides” continues exploring escapism, but this time through a relationship with a girl. We gain a sense of the need to escape early on with the lyrics:
“We can take a vacation, go somewhere in the country
Turn the radio on, hear my song sayin’ (Woah, oh, oh)”
Additionally, we hear an identical call back to the outro of “DJ’s Chord Organ” where Mac had previously sung “Woah, oh, oh” This song seems to revolve around Mac trying to get a girl back however the girl does not seem to reciprocate as Mac goes on with the lyrics:
“Can I give you what you need, what you need?
What do you need, girl?”
Following this is a brief pause of silence before the instrumentals pick back up for the remaining thirty seconds of the song. More importantly tambourine instrumentals. Larry Fisherman makes his presence known here with a heavy tambourine background throughout the song with a rather fast tempo which seems to drive a sense of stress into the track. Possibly the girls stress as the tambourine becomes a main focus at the end of the song. “5 Dollar Pony Rides” is without a doubt a staple to the album and currently the most streamed song as it came out as a single before Balloonerism was released.
Friendly Hallucinations
This track may be one of the most lyrically creative tracks on the album. With that being said, “Friendly Hallucinations” can be interpreted in many ways. I interpret this track as the feelings created while under the influence of drugs in comparison to the feelings of love. There are so many lyrics that can be broken down, but I would like to highlight some of my favorites.
“Her Mamma was a ladybug, her Papa was an atheist”
This is such a high contrast line as ladybugs are often interpreted as a sort of religious symbolism about blessings and support, while an atheist has no beliefs of those sorts.
“I’m a slave to the bass line
conversation topic got us
tangled in the grapevine.”
Here Mac ties his ultimate addiction to making music to his drug addiction. An appropriate line for an album with so many Thundercats, as he is well known for his use of bass. Tangled in the grapevine is imaginative in the sense of the saying “heard it through the grapevine” and being tangled in the grapevine of rumors.
“Tell me, is it real if you can’t hold it in your arms, but it can touch you?
Feel its texture pressin’ up against your chest, you say, “I love you”(You don’t hear it back)”
The lyrics “you don’t hear back” have an interesting echo almost as emphasis that drugs can make you feel a sense of comfort, but they won’t love you back.
“The land you put your knees on, it won’t be long til your path finds ya”
An extremely creative line with “knees on” being Nissan and Pathfinder being a type of Nissan car.
“Had a plan to burn her past, but it backfired”
I feel like that’s self-explanatory, but my jaw is still on the ground. Back in backfired equals her past. This whole song has so many lyrics worth dissecting but those are some that stood out most to me.
Mrs. Deborah Downer
“Mrs. Deborah Downer” is a fittingly lethargic track on Ballonersim. According to the many collaborators on this album, it is said that this track was made in a week-long jam session. I believe this song shows Mac’s hyper-awareness of his struggles with drugs. I can also see a call back to the song “Do You Have A Destination” with the lyrics
“Raised to be a leader, not a navigator (Navigator)
Wrote this down on scraps of paper
All roads lead to the same confusion (Same confusion)
I mean, all roads lead to the same conclusions (Same conclusions)”
Which I later in the song connected to
“Yeah, somebody gave me a treasure map
Nowhere on that motherf***** say where the X is at”
These lyrics show that being a leader is confusing by nature until you learn how to put your x’s on the map. However, you can’t do that if you don’t know your destination, which is what Mac still seems to be lacking despite his strong sense of leadership.
Stoned
“Stoned” “explores Mac’s psychoanalysis of a girl who is extremely similar to himself with lyrics like,
“She’s far from a saint, she’s all that I need.”
I believe this line sets the stage that Mac is interested in her based on their shared experience of escaping through drugs and music. There’s also a significant focus on the girl’s mental health problems as depression and anxiety seem to be huge themes in the song. There are mentions of her watching depressing movies and other lines such as,
“I wish she could feel me, she never felt nothin’
Knock on her door, she let me come in (Woah)”
A major symptom of depression and anxiety is feeling numb to emotions or connections with other people. These lyrics serve as a sort of breakthrough moment where the girl is allowing Mac into her world after he knocks on her door. After those lyrics, it appears she locks the door and isolates herself. This is reaching and interpretive, but perhaps she returns to isolation because she does not feel safe accepting happiness into her life. Another jarring lyric in this song is,
“I swear to god, Heaven feels just like home
Let’s go home”
Outside of the lyricism, the musical production of this song is one of the best on the album with extremely notable and fitting use of drums with knocking on the door. Paired with the drums there is a sound very similar to water dripping out of a faucet in a sink fitting to the bathroom the girl locks herself in. This song surely has some eerie foreshadowing and possibly acceptance of the death Mac believed he would inevitably face.
Shangri-La
This song was quite the attention grabber for me. Shangri-La means paradise and is also the name of Rick Rubin’s studio where Mac had previously spent some time making the song “Malibu” while recovering from drug abuse. Mac talked about how he drunk butt-dialed Rick and said,
“‘Rick, dude, I’m f***** up, will you help me?’ So I went and kicked it with him for the summer in Malibu. And got clean. I’d just go to Rick’s house every day and just sit and play the keyboard.” This can also connect to the track Rick’s Piano. The background of the beginning of “Shangri-La” has a unique sound that resembles a drink with ice being stirred and heavy use of drums again. Followed with the lyrics:
“Don’t be afraid to put your two cents in
Might not be able to afford anything, but
I’m always up for a bargain”
These lines held a significant weight to me. I interpret this as Mac encouraging people not to hold back their thoughts because they believe they are not important (putting your two cents in) even if your thoughts are undervalued by some people, (who might not be able to afford anything) other people may get it (I’m always up for a bargain) The song goes on to express the unknown struggles of many popular artists, perhaps from not putting their two cents in. With these lyrics, we get a sense that even if given the tools to solve your problems, you may not know how to use the tools and be successful,
“She got a brand new dinette set, but she still doesn’t know how to set the table”
There is also foreshadowing of an early death again in this song. I think Shangri-La is one of the more underrated tracks on the album.
Funny Papers
The term funny papers comes from war times and relates to the comic section of the newspaper. “Funny Papers” has another attention-grabbing introduction mirroring a metaphor relating dancing to life previously used in the song “Yeah” from Faces with the lines,
Did no one ever teach you how to dance?
Nobody ever taught you how to dance?
Well—well, everyone knows how to dance
There’s only so much time
I interpret dancing in this song as going through life and learning what you can while you still have time. More tragic foreshadowing takes place in this song as Mac sings that he didn’t think anybody died on a Friday only to die on a Friday himself. The song seems to navigate the different stages of life as Mac goes on to sing about seeing the birth of a baby in the funny papers. Again the different stages of life seem to be explored with the lyrics,
“The mind go with age, don’t surrender
My mistake, I misplaced all of my remembers”
This is another jaw-dropping moment for me with his lyrics. We get another look into Mac’s struggles when he sings,
“Recently, I only meet peace when in deep sleep
Been the same dream, world safe, smile on her face
Waitin’ on the other side (The other side)
I wonder if He’ll take me to the other side (The other side), yeah”
Here we can get a sense of how Mac struggles to find peace in his everyday life and would rather be asleep, dreaming of a more peaceful world with someone he misses. Closing out the song again we see Mac being hyper-aware of his faults, but not being fully aware of how to fix them with the lyrics.
“Shit, I ain’t an innovator, just a motherf*****’ illustrator”
Excelsior
Latin for higher, “Excelsior” reminisces on the carefree days of childhood along with the loss of childhood and welcomes the brief return of Delusional Thomas. This track truly leans into a narrative I find closely related to the short film. The lyrics that best capture this song are,
“Before the world tear apart imagination
Before there were rules, before there were limits
Your only enemies were (Want some Brussels sprouts and spinach?)
Me, I used to want to be a wizard, when did life get so serious?
Whatever happened to apple juice and cartwheels?”
Transformations
Delusional Thomas runs the track “Transformations” as Mac journeys through the process of transforming into his darker alter ego to deliver a feature on a track for DJ Clockwork as Delusional Thomas. This track is essentially a freestyle from Delusional Thomas.
Manakins
In a way, this track feels like a better fit for the album Swimming but is also one of my favorites on the album. The introduction starts with some of my favorite lyrics on the album,
“Well, my good days are exactly like the bad ones
My b**** say that I defy the laws of attraction
I’ve always been terrified of endin’ up normal (Normal)
Things that we all search for end up findin’ us”
This first half of the song seems to lean into more philosophical lyrics about Mac’s fear of ending up normal, people learning through the changes they experience in life, essentially being what you believe in, and many mentions of god. However, the track takes a depressing turn when Mac begins exploring the feelings of dying that he has and ultimately feels more like himself when he is in an unhealthy state. The musical production of this song is also unique for the album as it starts with a harp melody. This track you won’t want to skip on the album.
Rick’s Piano
One of the more hopeful tracks on the album is “Rick’s Piano.” I think it is easy to tell this song was written early in Mac’s career as he sounds hungry and motivated for success. Mac asks that his fans refrain from telling him that he’s made it in this song as he believes that causes people to get lazy and jaded. At the beginning of this track, you can hear Mac and Josh Berg conversing while Mac plays the opening of the track on “Rick’s Piano” at Shangri-La. This song almost seems to turn the tables as Mac tries to remind people that the best is yet to come despite his later question of what death feels like in the song. I could also see this song as a reminder or argument with himself that the best is yet to come with lyrics like,
“What’s a man gotta do for a little bliss? (F*** the future)
The best is yet to come (The best is yet to come)
All theories aside, this is another one of my favorites worth multiple listens.”
Tomorrow Will Never Know
I think this is one of the most devastating tracks ever made by Mac. This song has a truly psychedelic and off-putting feel as a phone rings and goes to voicemail throughout the nearly 12-minute-long song. This track also contains very haunting lyrics retaining the struggles of depression,
“You walk through this world with your head above water
Shoes made of copper, just tryin’ to float”
These are my findings and opinions throughout my many listens of Balloonerism. This is an album worth spending some time with to fully understand.