Breakups are definitely difficult and can completely shake your world to the core. They leave you wondering what had happened. They make you feel all these gross things about yourself that deep down you know aren’t true. But the thing is, everyone goes through it, and everyone has the opportunity to overcome those hard feelings.
Just take a deep breath, look in the mirror, and know that there are ways to go back to the badass you truly are.
January was an extremely tough month for me personally. A first love is difficult to forget, and picking up the pieces takes time– especially if you planned for the future with them. Wanting to be able to jump back in almost immediately has always been a way to cope with my heartbreak. But for the first time, I absolutely could not do it. I felt guilt. I felt horrible. I felt as if I was to blame for the end. I bargained to be friends with him again– which ultimately was my demise and actually worsened my mental health. Continuously blaming myself for every single thing that went wrong just absolutely killed me, and even him telling me I didn’t cause this didn’t help. I turned to filling my schedule with clubs and classes to keep my mind from wandering. Crying days on end and pretending as if everything was okay– when obviously it wasn’t okay at all. After basically battling for a month and a half, I finally decided it was time to professionally talk to someone about my problems before anything got worse. With classes ending and summer beginning, I am not around all the same friends that would normally be there. I am by myself a lot and had pinpointed that I was so scared to actually be alone for once. So, what can I do? I don’t want to fall into the same rut that I had been stuck in back in February.
Here’s the thing: being alone actually is okay.
I don’t know if it took time for me to actually mature or that I had to go through countless heartbreaks– but for once I feel like something is actually going right. Finding peace in yourself has so many different options. For me personally, it was digging really deep within myself so I can become and blossom into my best self. Meditation. Binge watching Hulu. Reading. Naps. Just a few ways that I learned to be by myself. You just need to find your own niche that can help you get through the difficult times. Asking for help does not make you weak whatsoever. Counseling and therapy are by far one of the best resources you can utilize. Of course it’s easier said than done. Healing is most definitely not linear. There will still be days where you just feel defeated and not want to do just about anything. But being okay is not okay, and self care is not selfish. Whatever you need to do to make yourself feel okay in your own skin, just do. There’s no set way on what recovery or self care looks like. It’s whatever you as a whole are comfortable with. Your feelings will always be valid, and when you do finally fall in love with yourself– and believe me it is gonna take time– it will be the best feeling you could possibly ever get.
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