ONLINE-DATING APPS:
A few months ago, I decided to create a dating app profile with good intentions of putting myself out there and looking for a genuine relationship. This could also be titled “What I learned from my personal experience of going on a dating app, and then deleting it.” Now, let me give you a backstory before I begin with the tips.
I’m sure we have all been there at some point, overthinking and looking into the future, getting married, and just feeling pressure to find “the one.” Dating apps have become so popular and normal especially since the pandemic began. Every day, you hear of someone who found love on bumble or met their boyfriend or girlfriend on Hinge. There are many possibilities and opportunities to meet people and have connections, dating apps are just one. So, now back to creating my profile and experience. I was so scared to start talking to people and starting a conversation.
To be honest, I’ve always been a hopeless romantic so that’s why I was so open and putting my all in just hoping for what I saw in the movies to just happen. But, it’s not that easy. Over the course of a couple of months, it did become easy and comfortable. At the same time, it became obsessive and overwhelming. Like… how long can I swipe left on this many people before I give up?
I had a few nice conversations, and also a few awful situations. I learned along the way that you can’t give all your energy to all the people you are talking to online. Recognize you are worthy of love within yourself and continue living your life. Also, there is a huge difference between boys and men. Look for the green flags and keep in mind any red flags and do not ignore them! Anyways, eventually, I deleted the app because I was overwhelmed with some of the situations and people I talked to, which was messing with my feelings and mind.
Maybe, I will download again, but for now, we are on a power trip knowing to never settle because we deserve better. If you are currently on a dating app, have fun, let things happen naturally, and be yourself! Balance is the key. Now, without further ado, here are tips and tricks to remember when getting into a relationship and self-love advice :)
The difference between boys and men:
Men will share your life with you not just look for validation. Men will have confidence and a positive mindset going into a relationship. Men will have conversations about ideas, and the world and not just flirty comments or “hi”. It will be a relationship of both physical and emotional attraction. A boy will give you compliments that are superficial, but men will compliment you on more than that like who you really are and your dreams. Men will get to know you and not just surface-level stuff. Men have respectable goals, values, and self-discipline. They will live in the present, but also have future aspirations. They will take the initiative sometimes and be independent. Men will take responsibility for their actions and love you for who you are.
10 TipS FOR GETTING INTO A RELATIONSHIP:
These tips are some do’s and don’t that the person you are talking to and you should remember for a healthy relationship to flourish.
- Be friends first: Questions should be asked and reciprocated when getting to know someone. Listen and learn about their life, passions, and goals. Create memories and get comfortable doing new things! Be yourself.
2. Communicate and engage in conversation: “How are you?” is a question that can be asked if being genuine and to show you care. Be open and enjoy the conversations and talk back and forth. Get to know each other for who they really are. A few ideas of what to talk about are school, career, shows, music, activities. Just let it flow and keep it going.
3. Be honest: Be cautious and notice if something they say is a lie or bragging. Remember a fake mask will only lead so far before the connection ends and the true person is revealed. Live in the present but also discuss the future.
4. Be clear with intentions: Don’t play games or be played. If you feel this way, you are probably right. It can be overwhelming and mess with your mind if you let it. Don’t change for a person or situation. Look for maturity and know what you want and the things the person you are talking to wants. A relationship? Something casual? Make feelings and your interests known.
5. Share and learn: Discuss common interests and plan events/activities you can do together. Also, be open to accepting each other’s differences and growing. Experience new things together.
6. Joke around and be a little flirty: Look out for love bombing, there is such a thing as too many emojis and compliments. If they call you babe/baby or any pet names before you meet them that’s a red flag. Look for someone genuine and it should happen naturally and come from a good place. If it’s past 11pm, texting is not appropriate unless it’s a deep conversation.
7. Give and accept compliments: The likeness should be mutual and for who they really are and each other’s perspective on the world. Compliments are nice but should be on more than appearance because they can be overwhelming/unnecessary. Actions speak louder than words.
8. Have emotional and physical attraction: Discuss the world, ideas, and appreciate your time together. Show your intellectual side with each other and be open to having difficult conversations. Honestly, I think it’s just a fact, people are more attractive when there is a genuine emotional attraction and connection. Physical attraction is important though for a healthy relationship and affection. But, the second worth is disrespected whoever you are talking to gets way more unattractive.
9. Express and share feelings: Look out for someone gaslighting and denying everything you say. If something bothers you acknowledge, reflect, and have an open conversation. Stay present, there may be fears but the more you hide them the worse it may get. Express concerns and feelings as they come.
10. Evolve and grow: Live your life and have passions and goals. Self-discipline, goals, and values are all very important. You should understand what you want first. Be independent and remind yourself of your dreams, and beliefs. What do you want in your life right now?
Never settle, you deserve better:
You have the power, and you can do whatever you want with your life. Protect your energy and continue to practice loving yourself. Write out what you want in a significant other and don’t settle for anything less because you deserve the world. You could have anyone in the world, why are you wasting your time with this boy who doesn’t reciprocate feelings or communicate with you? Ask yourself if you really like them? You already know you are beautiful and have so many amazing qualities. If it’s meant to be they will see the real you and love you for staying yourself. Feel free to share these with any of your guy friends/boyfriend because I know any of this relationship advice can be helpful for anyone. :)
Recognize your worth:
The true beauty is within you. Love yourself first and be open to trying new things and putting yourself out there. Remember all the work you have done on your journey, you are a work of art. You are worthy of love and relationships. So, next time you hear about someone finding “the one” remember YOU are “the one” and the person you get in a relationship with will enhance your life and grow with you. The relationship with yourself is the best relationship you will ever have. Like me, you may have one great conversation with someone, and then start creating scenarios in your mind. But, be true to yourself and continue doing what you love and let it all fall into place. My last piece of advice is to please please listen to your gut intuition, if you feel something trust it!