Welcome to college, where you’ll spend several thousand dollars a year all to leave with a degree — and if you’re lucky — a future spouse… at least that’s what we’re told. I know many of us have heard stories about people meeting their spouses in college. Whether it comes from a family friend, a friend’s parents, or even our own parents and family, we all know at least one couple that got their start in college. For me, the most obvious example has always been my parents, who met their freshman year at the very college I currently attend… which means I’m currently the same age they were when they met. I guess I better get to looking!
And I know I’m not the only college student who has thought about this. It’s a conversation I’ve had with several of my friends, and I’m sure you’ve been there too. You sit next to someone in class or meet the eye of a stranger from across the dining hall and think, “Could they be the one?” You fix your hair and smooth your shirt hoping to catch someone’s interest. It’s something we do without any real joy, though. That stranger in your stats class isn’t really all that dreamy — they’re barely even your type and yet, your brain has already flashed an image of your future wedding before you’ve even said a word.
This is because it’s not really about love; it’s about the pressure to cross that next bridge in our lives. After all, we’re here. We’re beginning to attempt life with a new level of independence, and we’re starting on the path that will dictate the rest of our lives… or at least our careers. So, with all this adulting and life planning, why wouldn’t we think about aspects beyond our education and careers? Plus, we’ve probably all thought something along the lines of, “Where do you even meet people like that after college?” Our view of society says we should be looking to meet the one and get married fairly soon.
But the thing is, that’s not reality. It’s not like it was just a few decades ago when women went to college with the sole intention of finding a husband and were married before they could drink. Nowadays, the average woman meets her future spouse at around 25 while the average man meets his future spouse at around 28 [1]. So, with that, the average marriage happens around the age of 32 [2]. Let that sink in. You’ve got plenty of time to meet someone, and it doesn’t have to happen in college. In fact, the most common way people meet their spouse is currently through friends, with 39% of couples meeting that way [3]. After that, 15% meet at work, 12% meet in bars or other public areas, 9% meet at sport, religion, or hobby-based events, 8% meet on the internet, 7% meet through family, and only 6% meet in school, whether it be high school or college.[3]
So, what does this mean for you? It means you can take a deep breath! You’ve got time to meet that special someone, and odds are, it won’t even happen in school. Stop letting your perception of the world drive you insane, just let what will happen, happen. And who knows, maybe you’ll actually hit it off with that kid in your class and end up in that 6%. Or maybe you won’t. Just don’t get worked up over finding your soulmate right now. Go on a date if you want to, not because you feel like you have to. Spend a night out with your friends instead of someone you’re barely interested in, and don’t let the greater population dictate when and where your life goes. Remember that love is a feeling more than it is a plan, and it’s meant to make you happy. Just follow your heart and I promise everything will work out in the end.