For as long as I can remember, I have always focused more on what those around me need from me than on what I need from myself. My first memory of this started when I was in elementary school, I remember doing whatever I could so that the “popular” girls would want to hang out with me. Whether it was letting people copy off my homework or taking insults from people without standing up for myself, I did whatever I could to feel “accepted” by my peers at school and anyone I spent time with while at home, outside of my family. This continued on throughout the rest of elementary school, all the way up until the COVID-19 pandemic hit during my freshman year of high school. Being so isolated for such a long period of time definitely took its toll on me as an individual, but it also helped me to realize how precious and valuable my time is, due to so much of it being taken away from me and spent at home because of COVID.
After the COVID pandemic hit, I would not step foot back into my high school until the beginning of my senior year of high school, nearly 2 and a half years later. Although I was not in person for school during that time, I did make time to hang out with friends from school when I was able to. During this time, I was able to grow a backbone and start standing up for myself, but it was a slow and steady process that took years to get the hang of. Already having most of my “glory years” taken away from me by COVID and personal circumstances, I did whatever I could to keep people around me, even if it meant that I was not getting treated in the manner I deserved to be treated. Once I graduated, I swore to myself I would make sure things were different when I got to college. That summer, I worked a lot on myself to be able to prepare myself to meet new people when I started here at BG, but then move-in day came around.
The first day i set foot on campus as a college student, I instantly knew my expectations were a lot different than the reality I would have while in college. Throughout the past 2 years I have spent living on campus, I have had numerous people come and go from my life for a multitude of reasons. I put myself in several situations I should not have been in that I got put in simply due to not allowing my “friends” to treat me the way I deserve to be treated. It was not unti the middle of last fall semester that I finally started to realize my self worth and decided what I would and would not put up with from the people around me.
Due to this, I have lost most of the people I used to spend most of my days with when I was not working or in classes, but that’s okay! Not having certain people in my life has allowed for so much self-growth and personal development. Today, I cannot imagine putting up with some of the things that I would not have batted an eye to a year ago. While college has been a period of ups and downs, anxiety and excitement, I would not have traded this experience for anything. Having had these experiences has helped to prepare me for friendships I will have the rest of my life and how to develop healthy professional relationships post-grad. It has taken me a long time to figure it out, but once I learned to focus on what I want and need, instead of what others want and need from me, I have been able to live my life with a lot less fear of what others will think of me. Learning to be myself no matter the circumstances is one of the best lessons I have taught myself during undergrad, and I hope before everyone graduates, you have a life-altering experience like I have had.
