We’ve all heard it at one point or another – women gain “relationship weight” when they’re in a healthy and happy relationship. Up until the other day, I hadn’t really thought too much about it. The current relationship I’m in is the first where I’ve noticed any change in my weight, other than a few weeks of one of my previous ones where I lost a ton of weight since it was a really unhealthy relationship. Regardless, as soon as I noticed I was gaining weight, I began to panic. I remember the first day I noticed, I made a small comment about it on one of my private Snapchat stories, and one of my close friends slid up and told me that she was really happy that I was gaining weight since I was so happy in my relationship.
I’m not going to lie, at first that comment really threw me off. I had never been praised and celebrated for gaining weight in my entire life other than this one instance. However, I had noticed the same with her since she started dating her current boyfriend. She had gained a bit of weight herself, but she is looking the best I’ve ever seen her look. The two of us gushed over each other for a while and how incredible it was that we were both happy enough to be able to eat properly in order for us to be able to gain weight. The glow of being happy began to outweigh the self-consciousness that crept in when I noticed the change and I felt okay with it.
After that conversation, I hadn’t really thought about the relationship weight concept again. That is, until I was scrolling through Instagram recently. I know someone who posted a picture of her and her boyfriend, two years apart. In the caption, she talked about gaining relationship weight. Seeing that post really got me thinking. Everyone in the comments was talking about how both of them looked so happy together, and you could tell the year was good to them.
It feels like when people are talking about relationship weight that’s gained, it’s mostly just talking about women. It’s not that men don’t gain weight when they’re happy, but I do think you see it a lot more with women. When I was thinking about this the other day, I realized why I had gained some weight. I was finally eating properly, and was eating what I liked. I was no longer trying to lose weight to gain attention from other men. It’s a really terrible thing, but most women are raised to think that our appearance determines our worth. Many things go into the idea of desirability, but most commonly how skinny you are determines how attractive you are. However, when you get into a happy relationship that you see yourself staying in for a while, you no longer have that pressure to look a certain way. You have all the attention you want because you’re loved deeply by the one that you love.
I don’t mind gaining some weight when I’m in the best relationship I’ve ever been in. My boyfriend still loves me the same, if not more, at this point, even if I’m not as skinny as I used to be. However, it’s a bit upsetting when I realize I used to not take proper care of myself in order to hopefully get noticed. A relationship should not be based around physical appearance, and it breaks my heart that women are taught that. I believe that you should be the best version of yourself — however that looks. Ideally, you’re happy with who you are prior to getting into a relationship.
Be who you are, and don’t mind the bit of weight that comes with being happy with your significant other. It can be a weird adjustment, but you’ll always be loved for who you are.